482 days
Categories: Meditations on Scripture, Our Journey, Our Journey (chronological).
The last time I checked James, at 3:50 am, he was fine. When I woke up at 6:15, he wasn’t breathing and his lips were pale. John called 911 and I gave him CPR, but a dozen doctors and nurses at the closest hospital couldn’t resuscitate him.
James lived 482 beautiful days, almost to 16 months old. He was doing so well! We knew HPE kids could die suddenly, but we thought James was past the fragile stage.
Now Jesus is taking over his care. It’s so hard to let him go. We will blog later about how his last weeks went and put on some more photos and videos.
Here is a something I wrote for James a couple weeks ago. I didn’t realize how God would answer this prayer.
A Psalm of James (based on Psalm 129)
They have struck at me since my conception–
deformity, delays, disability, death–
They have attacked me until my list of problems is unspeakably long.
But they have not defeated my heart.
Shots, medications, blood draws and surgeries–
my scars are many, and long.
But God is mighty– He has freed me from most of that.
Now I can live a happy life at home and feel good most of the time.
May my disabilities be so diminished
that I no longer bear their names.
May my medical problems wither away as I grow stronger,
the list of problems dwindle to a handful, not an armload.
May all the people bless the God who triumphs over deformity, delays, disabilities, and death.
He is stronger now, and his medical problems are gone. He can sit, and roll over, and walk, and pick things up and drop them when he wants. He can hear and talk and understand more. He can finally eat with his mouth, with no extra medicines and no pricks for blood sugar or insulin, and best of all, no painful gas afterwards. He is very happy to be with Jesus and his little sister now, and he understands that Mommy and Daddy will be with him again someday. He knows we did everything we knew to do to help him, and that we would do it all again for as long as we needed to, with joy.
He knows he was loved to the utmost. And because Jesus first loved us to the utmost, and died to take our penalty for our pride and disobedience, we praise God who does triumph over death. “If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men” (1 Cor. 15:19). We do believe in a resurrection to eternal life–for those who treasure Christ, to live with Him, and for those who don’t, to suffer forever apart from Him. Since James was too young to understand this, we believe God will have mercy on him and that we will see him in heaven someday. And we hope that we will see you there too.
But oh, the loss is hard to endure right now! He is happy but we are missing him so much. Please pray for us to continue to cling to Jesus in our grief. We will post details about the memorial service soon.
One thing you could do that we would appreciate is to write a comment on this post about James, expressing whatever he means to you or why you have followed his story all this time or what you loved about him. We would enjoy hearing any of these things and knowing that his life touched yours.
386 Responses to “482 days”
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Abby and John (and grandparents),
I have thought of you all and James everyday, and I was always so thankful to have been a small part in James’ life. Your blog is the first thing I check when I’m online, and I am sitting in shock today and grieving with you. My heart is aching for your family, and you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Shereen Levenson
I’m so, so sorry. I found your blog somehow, I don’t even remember how, a few months ago and I read the whole thing in one sitting. Your strength has been incomparable.
I have found myself thinking about James and your family quite often. I have celebrated his triumphs, like how he sat up on his own for a period of time not too long ago, and how he was learning to push up with his legs. I feel like I knew him. Yesterday, I was walking up the stairs to my apartment and James came into my mind, and I thought about how he could beat the odds and walk, since he was doing so well with his exercises.
I feel like I’ve lost something, and I didn’t even know James personally. I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. I’m so sorry.
I’ll never forget James’s eyelashes.
Oh Abby,
I’ve been keeping up with Ur blogs to check on James during and after I cared for James at night. My heart goes out to Ur husband and Urself. James is in a better place, smiling down on U two and the grandpas and grandmas. I don’t know what to say, only that James was a fighter. He went thru so much, but was such a happy child, May God be with U and Ur fam during this tough time.
Franchesca RN
Sweet Baby James,
From the moment you were born, you have been on our hearts and in our prayers. Your picture was on our fridge for months as we pleaded with God to spare your life and bring you to good health. God answered our prayers for that time. God gave you the most wonderful, caring, loving, godfearing parents, a child could ever ask for. He gave them the strength to get through each challenging day and the wisdom to see to it that you got the best care possible. They fought hard for you. Just last night I had goosebumps watching your short video clip on your website, seeing you stand up. What progress you made! I was so proud of you! Just think, you’re healed, you’re strong, you’re comfortable, you’re able, you’re running, you’re nourished, you’re whole and best of all, you’re with your Creator. Baby James, though regretfully, we never had the opportunity to meet you, you carved out a very special place in our hearts and you certainly brought us closer to the Lord in these ever too short 482 days that you had on this earth. Your parents have shown tremendous strength and hope as they have relied on God and His Word. In doing so, they have blessed all who have followed your journey. We will continue to come along side your Mommy and Daddy through prayer and anything we can do to comfort them. They will be with you soon, for in eternity, there is no span of time, no separation, no loss. “How Sweet it is to be touched by you, Sweet Baby James!”
All our love,
Margo and Jim Kragh
I have followed James’s story since shortly after his birth, when Jessie M. asked us to pray for him. I could not believe the trials his little body had to suffer as we prayed for him! His victories put a smile on my face. His discomfort sent me to the Father of Comfort on his behalf.
Through the Journey of James, I have learned even more of the sovereignty of God. I have learned that every breath is a gift and life cannot be defined as “quality” or “non-quality” but only as precious. I have learned that God’s love cannot be exhausted, nor His concern for His children.
I am so very, very thankful I was able to meet James for the first time on Sunday. His unbelievable eyelashes, his sweet smile, and his baby kisses were something not to be missed! I hope to never take a day with my family for granted again.
John and Abby, please know you are in our prayers. We mourn with you, and yet we rejoice with you. I don’t think anyone other than Believers can understand how that feels. May the God of all Comfort hold you closely at this time.
James touched our lives in deep places. We love him passionately and will forever hold him in our hearts.
I will pray hard, dear friend.
I don’t have words to express my sorrow for you two right now. I’ve been sitting in shock at the computer now for an hour after receiving your email.
Now, we grieve, but not as those who have no hope in the world without God. We eagerly await our Savior’s coming and the day when we will walk with James in the streets of God’s kingdom where God’s glory reigns supreme. We won’t have to lean on chairs to walk – just lean on Jesus. James’ weak knees and feeble arms have been strengthened. He got to see a beautiful reflection and model of God’s glory each of his 482 days as he looked up at you Abby and John. He had the foretaste on earth and now he’s got the full course meal. God picked some really special and godly people to steward James for all his days on earth. Not only did James get God’s grace in that “matching” but you two did too in all the lessons of God’s goodness and sovereignty.
I didn’t get the chance to meet James and watch you mothering this phenomenal life that God entrusted to you, but I do really appreciate your blog which helped me to enjoy and experience some of your life with you even from afar. I had so looked forward to Arrow and James getting to interact next month when we visit Florida. Friends, I encourage you to not give up turning your hearts and questions to Christ and God who has no shadow of turning in him. I will be praying this for you. I want to call you, but I know you must need to get some sleep.
Much love,
Angie and Zach in Colorado
Dear Abby & John,
I haven’t met you yet but I know you are great parents for the love and care you showered Baby James in his few days on earth. You also have great parents (Bill & Betsy Gjertsen). They are members of our care group from Open Door Baptist Church in Raleigh, NC. Although we don’t see them much since they go to Florida often, when we see them, they always talk about Baby James, carrying his pictures. So even though you are several miles away, I feel that Baby James was right here. Baby James has been on our prayer list.
My 13-yr old daughter has juvenile diabetes and when she got her insulin pump, we found out that Baby James also got his pump. It broke my heart to know that Baby James as little as he is had to wear a pump.
Now that he is in heaven, he won’t have to wear that pump anymore because all his organs are working well. Just like how my daughter told me that when she goes to heaven, she won’t have her diabetes anymore.
Please keep your faith and knowing that this is not a goodbye but you will be reunited with him in heaven…
Dear John and Abby,
How deeply saddened I was to get your news today. When you were at Winnie Palmer a few weeks ago we could not get over how big James was and how good he looked. No more pain, no more trials, only joy he feels at the feet of Jesus. May God bless you all. I will be praying for you during this time.
John & Abby – I cannot begin to tell you how sorry and sad I am to hear the news. I’ve checked the page faithfully and read of James’ struggles and triumphs. I’ve been so awed by James’ spirit and accomplishments and by the two of you and your amazing faith. Although I never held him in my arms, I’ve held him in my heart and will miss him. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Much Love, Dana
Dear Abby and John,
I was so shocked to learn that James had died. I still get the e-news from OGC and have checked in here from time to time to see how things are going. I have been touched by the way James persevered through his trials, and by the way you loved and cared for him in such a deep and tender way. I know he returned that love to you and that your hearts are deeply grieving now. I’m so sorry, and so sorry that this comes when you are surely still grieving from the loss of your daughter. I pray God will comfort you.
With love,
Susie
I will forever remember my time with James at Joy and Matt’s wedding reception. The smile upon his face as he lay in my arms and the sweet kisses given to me still fill my heart with joy. I am so thankful for the priceless treasure of that photograph; it means so much to me.
I grieve alongside you as you endure this trial. May you feel God’s presence in a real and unbelievable way. He is near.
I love you.
I am shocked and grieving. You will be loved and remembered, sweet James. May choirs of angels greet thee at thy coming.
Exactly one week ago tonight I had the amazing privilege and joy of holding sweet James in my arms, and feeling for the first time his sweet kiss on my cheek. I’m one of the lucky few, I know, to have spent time with him and to have known him at all. I know my tears now are selfish, because I so wanted to see him grow and learn and see so much more in life. I wanted to hold him and dance around your kitchen with him again, John & Abby, as I know you did, too. I can’t think of what else to say, other than I am sharing in your grief, and my heart aches for you.
I wish we could be there with you now, just to sit and cry together if nothing else – but at least we will be back before Saturday, so we will see you at the service on Sunday. Til then, I’ll be praying for God’s mercy and comfort to be poured out on you, your family, and all of us who are even now missing sweet baby James.
In the next few days I will share with you what you and James have meant to me and my family- for now I can weep with you, but it is with hope. Love to you all
Gjertsen family:
Robin and I are deeply grieved by this news.
I struggle in writing to you because of a lack of ability to relate or understand; so I won’t say that I do. Some things are the mysteries of God. Why he chooses to take some as infants and others later in life is a mystery to me, but there is a time appointed under heaven as to when each person will pass from this life. Take comfort in knowing that this is the direct work of God and not an event outside of His good providence.
When thinking about James, Robin remembers this past Saturday when she got to hold him for a long time and tried to stop his hiccups—unsuccessfully. She remembers most fondly how very friendly, happy, and smiley he always seemed to be. She says, “He would light up any room he was in.” Although cliché, I think of pure joy amidst so many trials and struggles. And for whatever reason “perfect” comes to mind as well.
James will be dearly missed.
We love James deeply, yet we know that our love doesn’t compare to how much God loves him—and you guys. Blessed be our God who relates to us and will accept our tears; only He can wipe them away.
Rev. 21:4
“He will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
John and Abby,
We did not receive the email earlier in the day, but we heard of the great loss this afternoon. I am terribly sorry and cannot begin to understand what you have been through. We will continue to pray for you!
Please continue to hold strong. I know that your faith and strength has been an encouragement to more than just me. May you excel still more.
Sweet James,
From the very beginning you have had a great tenderness about you. It was almost as we could see your big heart through your eyes. I have been touched by your short life and the joy that you seemed to find in so many things that I take for granted each day. As I thought about the return of Jesus, I was envious of you being at peace now. It is because of that, that I am encouraged to fight the good fight and pray that your parents will persevere all the more and continue to spread the love of Christ. For you will be greatly missed, but we are thankful to see you again soon.
With love…
Dear Sweet Baby James,
482 days. What a short amount of time to create the legacy you left behind. You were such a warrior, to the very end. You so encouraged me to fight like you did. You were never without a smile…a big smile. I will never forget it. Such a happy boy, even in the worst of circumstances. Just three days ago I remember watching as you were all smiles seeing your Daddy dance around with zombies. I don’t think your Mommy and Daddy will ever know how many you lives you three touched…in only 482 days. We miss you, James William.
John and Abby,
I am grieving with you tonight. I beg God for peace and comfort on your behalf, that He be closer now than ever. The heavens weep with us tonight. I am sure that my words bring little, if any, comfort, but know that you are loved so very much and, along with your parents, are being carried to God’s throne of grace. I love you guys!
Abby, Jon and Baby James,
I will never forget what a special family you are. Any day taking care of James could be a challenge,a joy, or a covered in milk experience… But always a day I’d stop and think “what an cute kid, with such an awesome family.” My prayers are with you and yours in this time of need. I am so glad I was able to return to FL in May and see James. I’ll never forget my last chance to cuddle with him.
Wow, I have been reading this blog for some time, and rejoiced at the little triumphs and cried along with the sorrows. I am a believer and praise God that James is with our Lord. May God give you peace that will carry you through this valley of deep grief.
Sweet, dear, precious baby James,
You little stud! You chick magnet! You precious, darling little man, and such an affectionate one too! James – I am so grateful that the Lord allowed me any time with you these past 482 days, and blessed to have shared every moment with you. Your presence in my life, your smile, your kisses, your love was felt in a way most people will never convey. You are the most darling baby boy to me.
I held you just days ago and gazed into your (somewhat hidden by eyelashes) eyes, but I did not know it would be the last time… but it won’t. For now, you get to rest with Jesus, while I endure what the Lord has for me here. I have learned a lot about how to deal with whatever life throws at me through you and your triumphs! I trust that I will see you again when I join Jesus in heaven.
To John and Abby – dear friends and respected mentors:
Though I will never understand the plans of the Lord, I am more in shock and awe at the power of Christ demonstrated in your abilities to abide in His strength, to live in joy, and to endure through hardship. The power of Christ is SO evident in your lives and your testimony of faith has ministered to my heart over and over. I have so much respect and love for you that I cannot put it into words.
I do love you both. And James! And I pray that the Lord would be glorified even now in this loss, as I’m sure He will. You are so dear to me! And I will miss James very much!
“Sweet Baby James,”
What an accurate depiction of you. SWEET!!! Sweet through and through. What an precious gift God gave to me, to be able to be a small part of your incredible life. I miss you deeply already. I’m so thankful that the Lord was gracious to allow you to pass in your sleep. I remember recently visiting you and reading you a book. You helped me to turn the pages and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying my poor attempt at animal sounds. When I paused too long you got upset. You wanted more and I was happy to oblige. You had the most incredibly expressive eyes. You could talk with them. I could tell when you were proud of yourself during therapy. You had that look as if to say- “Aren’t I wonderful?” “Did you see what I just did?” You expressed your deep affection and awe for your Mommy with those baby blues. She was the center of your world. And they’d light up when Daddy was near. You stared at him with the highest of regard as well. I agree with Robin. Your smile and the light in your eyes truly could and did “Light up the Room.” This past Sunday night, Chantel and I were dancing with you and you were reaching out for me and cooing. What a sweet moment. What a treasure, to see you so happy and making so much progress. We talked about how good you looked and how easily you were now moving your arms. What a big boy! I’ll never forget visiting you in the hospital and watching your tiny body work so hard. You were such a trooper. I was amazed at the joy you sustained having to constantly endure so much pain. Your blood sugars soaring to dangerous heights and then crashing to unbelievable lows. I’ve endured a glucose test. Up in the 400′s in an hour and down in the 40′s by the third. It took me all day to recover. I felt so sick. Your days were filled with far greater ups and downs and yet you smiled through it. What an awesome story your life here was, James. I won’t forget the first time I heard you laugh and laugh. It brought tears to my eyes. It was the most beautiful sound. And I won’t forget the pony-tail game. I’ll be grieving your loss, James. But I know I will see you again. I can only imagine how great it will be to see you whole and happy. To delight in watching you not only walk but run! I thank God for your 482 days. And although I wish there could have been more and pleaded with God to heal you here, I know that the Lord’s ways are always higher and far greater than mine. What an indescribable thought- to imagine you running to the loving arms of Jesus!!! Wow!! That does bring a big smile to my face. Until we meet again, James, Hugs and Kisses. I love you!
John and Abby,
You are two of the most wonderful people I have ever met! Your selfless love and undying devotion to James was awesome to behold. You gave all you had, and then still more. I know that God sustained you, but not without alot of pain and sleepless nights and great trials. Your faith in Christ is so solid!!! I have watched you, and your parents, and been ashamed of my own weakness in much smaller trials. God has used your walk to strengthen mine. You have a special place in my heart and I am forever lifting you to the Father. I will continue to grieve with you. I will remember James fondly with you. And I can’t wait to behold him one day and watch you as you watch him. What JOY divine!!! Until then, may the Lord bless you and keep you! May the Holy Spirit comfort you. May He give you a deep and all surpassing peace. God is on His throne and we are seated with Him in the heavenly places! God grant you unwavering faith! Lord give John and Abby the ability to cling to You! I know He’s interceding on your behalf!!!
I love you,
Lisa
John and Abby,
Just wanted to let you know that James’ life here on earth was used in my life to strengthen my own faith. Seeing you all walk through these days of difficulty blended with joy with your rock solid faith, glorifies God and has been a humbling thing to witness. I’m so thankful for the beauty God gave us in James, if only for a short time. My favorite thing about him was to see him smile!
Sweet Baby James,
My eyes swell with tears not only of loss but of happiness. My tears are of saddness for those who have been left behind to grieve the loss of your sweet smile, long eyelashes, and so much love you left in this world. My tears are of happiness that I know you are in a better place with our Lord, Jesus Christ. I have been following your journey since day 2 of life when I first met you. You were a small little thing and I remember hearing the doctors say that it was impossible for you to live more than a few weeks. Little did they know what the Lord had planned out for you. You proved them wrong time and time again. Your amazing parents have been blessed with the gifts of strength, humility, love, endurance, hope, and overall faith. I trully believe that God could not have chosen better parents to partake the journey you were meant to have. You were the first baby that melted my nursing heart and taught me to reach out and love a child though the outcome was uncertain. You taught me to have faith that God had a plan for you no matter however long your days were numbered. You have taught me to praise God for the minute successes and thank God for the big losses, because all of them were there for a reason. I thank God so much for allowing me to follow your glorious journey both in the hospital and on your blog. You will always hold a place in my heart and I can’t ever thank you enough for the impact you have had on my life. I can’t wait to see you again, when I can hold you in my arms and snuggle like we did late at night when your mom and dad couldn’t stay the night at the hospital. I will think fondly of the days you spit up on me, and wanted to invite yourself to my wedding! I will remember those big eyelashes as they stared down the bumble bee and flirted with me and so many other “girlfriends” at Winnie Palmer Hospital. You were a true stud! James, you will be missed on this earth, because you touched so many lives and accomplished so much through your example. John and Abby, Thank you for inviting us in to your life and for all your inspirational writing. God has trully brought this child into your life so that he could reach others through you two. May God Bless your family… and I can’t wait to see Sweet Baby James again!
Dear Mr& Mrs Gjertsen,
I was so sad to hear about James. I always keep up with the updates you post. I truly feel it helped me still be part of his life through all the updates, pictures and video. He has gotten so big. You are both one of the stronges faith filled family. I know that James knew what great parents he had.
I feel privlaged to have had the opportunity to have take care of him and to have gotten to know both of you. My prayers of comfort will always be there for you. If you need anything, please feel free to contact me. With all my love and prayers
Evelyn
I bumped into your website in a search on chromosome disorders and have been reading it since. After James went home and has been doing so well i have never though that something like this was possible. I am shocked, in deep grief and in tears. I kept reading as James, and especially you Abby and John, gave me strength and a different perspective of God and of what it means to believe in God. We tend to forget about God and remember HIM only in the mist of problems. Your website was always about our Lord, prayer and believing in good and rough times. To me James was the means through which God has chosen to remind us of LOVE. Love unconditional, immeasurable, endless and soft and light as feather; James.
James will be greatly missed and never forgotten. His smile will always brighten the day.
I wanted to echo all those whose hearts join you in this time of mourning. I pray the peace of the Lord will envelop you and bring you though the valley that is now so deep and dark.
Charles
It is just understood that losing a child is the most loss one person can endure. The days, years and decades will pass but no one should forget the loss you deal with every day. I hope God gives you strength and know He is working through you. My prayers and thoughts are with you today and always –
Friend in loss…..
[...] encourage you leave a comment on the previous post, “482 days.” We love to hear how James or the blog has impacted your life. It helps us count all those [...]
I hadn’t known about this site until today when Jen called attention to it. After reading through the welcome and diagnosis, I clicked on this entry, and after the first paragraph, I had to step away from the computer and have a good cry. I am so sorry for your loss, but after reading the rest of the post, I realize you have far greater faith than I do and your family is such an inspiring example of what love can accomplish. I am praying for your family.
My heart is hurting for you right now. I’ve only just found your site through Cake Wrecks. So I don’t have the perspective of being with you for those 482 days. But know that you are in my prayers and that I look forward to reading about the 482 days of James’ life and learning how you kept your faith during what must have been many faith challenging moments.
I too found your site through cake wrecks and wanted to leave my condolences. I can see from the pictures that James must have been a sweet spirit that blessed your lives. I am thankful to read that you believe as I do, that he is now with his savior and able to play and grow and develop as he may not have been able to on this earth. My prayers are with you and thank you for sharing your story.
i just found your blog and i feel your loss. friends of mine just buried their 16-year-old son. whether it’s 3 days, 16 years, or 30 years (i’m 30 and buried my father two months ago), the loss is crushing. but i see you have a strong faith that will sustain you. you’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Rockabye sweet baby James.
Hi, I found the link through Cake Wrecks and I wanted to pop over to express my sympathy in the loss of your beautiful little boy. What a strong little one he was! And is. I’m glad you are finding comfort in God right now, even though your hearts are broken. I know you are looking forward to the time when you will be with him again. Hang in there. I will be praying for you.
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful son.
I just came across you site from cake wrecks and read the last few months of your archives. What a wonderful little boy, you can really get a sense of his joy in these pictures. I am so sorry for your loss, you are in my prayers.
I’m so very sorry. Rockabye sweet baby James. Your light will shine on in all that read about you and carry you in their hearts.
Sweet Baby James,
No more feedings, nor sticks in the night for glucose readings. Now you are well and whole. You are in the presence of our Lord Jesus.
We will never forget your infectious smile and your brilliant eyes and your curly hair. Your life has touched so many even those who never met you in person. You will always be in our hearts.
~Grandpa Bill
Nana will never forget the special times we had with you:
~The nights when you had no nurse and I was so happy to have the nursing skills to care for you…those were so special…just you, me and Jesus…I would pray for you and pray for wisdom to care for you and to do all the right things.
~I was so honored that Mom and Dad were able to get away for a few days and you were entrusted into our care.
~I will never forget the time we arrived for a visit and you recognized me. What joy…Your smile and your eyes seemed to ask the question, “Where have you been, I’ve missed you.”
~Remember me singing to you…”I wash my hands this morning…so very clean and white…I lift them up to Jesus to work for Him till night…little feet be careful where you take me to…anything for Jesus, only let me do” and other little songs like “Jesus Loves the Little Children”…I will miss these times that were just so special.
~I remember all those “venting” sessions we had after your feedings…your eyes and your smile and how you looked at me would say “Thank you, Nana for helping me”…oh how I will miss you.
~I will remember how you loved my shoulder…I would carry you around and you would go to sleep on my shoulder and I would sing to you and cuddle you and now my arms will ache for you.
God was so gracious to allow me to become a member of this truly special family…I have been so blessed by you, Sweet Baby James, my treasure.
My heart aches for you,
Nana
John & Abby,
Rest in the sovereignty of God.
In the 1700s, Katrina von Schlegel wrote a hymn based on the context of personal loss. It is a personalization of Psalm 131:2. Three of the verses are as follows:
Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side; bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; leave to thy God to order and provide; in every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best thy heavenly Friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
________________________________
Be still, my soul; when dearest friends depart, and all is darkened in the vale of tears; then shalt thou better know his love, his heart, who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay from his own fullness all he takes away.
________________________________________________
Be still, my soul; the hour is hast’ning on when we shall be forever with the Lord, when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past, all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
I just found your blog during my daily visit to Cake Wrecks and just read your last few posts. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for your loss, but what wonderful witnesses you are for the Glory of Our Savior!! James is cheering for you with his Sister from Heaven!
just found your blog…and i have tears in my eyes as i write this. my heart aches for you, and yet i am so glad that you had the blessing of this child, the love of family and friends, and a faith that has held you through the 482 days you had with your son. may god hold you close, and may those near you become god’s hands for you both as you go through this difficult time together.
I only found your blog today, but I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
James was a beautiful baby…I watched the “1st year” video and his smiles were infectious.
I’ll be praying for your comfort in days to come.
YOU ARE A MOTHER LIKE NO OTHER, YOU STUCK BY HIM AT ALL TIMES, LOVED HIM WITH ALL YOU HAD. JAMES HAD A HARD AND SHORT JOURNEY IN LIFE BUT HE GAVE IT HIS ALL JUST LIKE YOU. NOW JOINED WITH GOD AND HIS SISTER THEY WILL WATCH AND BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY FOR ALL YOU’VE DONE.
Luisa,
Pedi-Endo
I pray for your family and wish you peace and strength.
With much love,
Meredith
I found your blog from the cake wrecks blog. I am so sorry for your loss. I admire your faith in Jesus that he will heal and you will be with your sweet children again. May you have the peace and comfort of God during this time.
Hello,
I found your blog through a posting on another blog. I have been sitting here for the past two hours reading through your entire blog about the Sweet Baby James. May your friends and family comfort you in this challenging time of grief. I feel honored that I was able to read about such a tremendous family and child. You will forever be in my heart.
Lauren
Having just come across this site via CakeWrecks, and after reading James’ story from the beginning, I just wanted to express my condolences.
From what I see here, he truly was Sweet Baby James, with a beautiful smile and a twinkle in his eye, and a family who loved him to pieces. While his 482 days were far to short in this world, he will forever live in your hearts and memories.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Abby and John,
At church services and events, Ted and I have watched you surrounded by caring friends who have loved on you and your Sweet Baby James. On Sunday night, I briefly spoke with you and said how much I appreciated your blog. I touched the sweet feet of James and whispered that he was such a gift. I have watched your parents lovingly hold him and gaze into his bright eyes, and I’ve observed others almost dance in the aisles as they delighted in his radiant presence. Thank you for allowing all of us to see God’s amazing power at work in your lives as you have given protective affection and love to this precious gift from the Lord’s hand. Our prayer for you during this time of immense loss and sadness is that the Lord God would be your hiding place, your strength, your Rock, and your God who provides comfort beyond comprehension.
I came across this site by accident, and I’m grieved to hear of your loss. May God be with you in this time of sadness. You will be in my prayers.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
liz
Dear John and Abby,
I too found your blog through Cake Wrecks this morning, and I’m so grateful I did. I started at the beginning and read through all the entries, and now my heart is aching. I’ve been fighting back tears the entire time, and have a lump in my throat as I right this. What a joy it was to read all about James, and to treasure the pictures of his darling face! I feel like I’ve known him his whole life, and now I grieve alongside you.
Though his life was short, James has obviously impacted countless people! What an incredible blessing his life was. And now he sits with the Father in heaven: healthy, glorious, and triumphant.
I know you’ve been through so much, and the fact that your faith has remained strong throughout it all is an amazing testament to the wisdom and soveriegnty of the God we serve. Thank you for the reminder. How great, how awesome is He!
I thank God for blessing this world with the presence of James. He was clearly an incredibly special little guy, and one who will be dearly missed by many, many people. I pray comfort over you, and I pray for joy to fill the days ahead as you remember the astounding and impacting life of your son.
I found you site about a year ago when I was looking for info about Wolfram syndrome. I checked daily for updates on your little man. My 3 year old has been diagnosed with Wolfram he has sugar and water diabetes and it has been difficult to accept. Reading your blog has helped me keep my faith and strength to handle all that may be in store for us with our son. We know that the Lord is in charge and he will work your sorrow and our sorrow for good for those who love the Lord. Your family has been in my prayers and I will continue to pray for the Lords strength and grace during your time of sorrow.
Peace and strenght it’s what I have to wish you.
(I found your blog through Cake Wrecks)
Sweet James, Abby, and John,
Our hearts go out to you at this time and we will continue to keep you in our prayers. We were so encouraged by your walk and how the Lord gave you peace, strength, and encouragement through all the blessing and challenges. Thank you for your open hearts and willingness to share.James has been a blessing since we first began praying for him in the bible study time and later as we celebrated his conception, birth and 482 day journey.
Today I stumbled upon your website by accident, or so I thought. As I read James’ story I was touched and inspired by the overwhelming love and strength you all possess. I was so sad to hear of your loss. Please know that you and James have touched my life and my heart, and my visit here was no accident. Thank you for sharing your son with the world. You, and he, are an inspiration to us all.
Love and Peace,
Cari
I prayed for you before you were conceived. I loved you from the moment I knew you existed. I treasured each time I got to see you, hold you, or even just hear about you. Through your parents you taught me about great faith and love. I loved to watch you look up at your Mommy and smile the most beautiful smile. You are missed beyond words. I will always love you, sweet baby James.
I came across this site by accident and as a new mother myself, my heart breaks for you…your strength and continuing faith in God are inspiring. What a blessing you were for James and he for you. You are in my prayers.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. His courage, and yours, is amazing to see. Your angel is beautiful, and I wish you all much strength and courage during this awful time. What an amazing inspiration this little boy is.
O Abby…John…Bill & Nana…I am so very sad today. I’m off work at the hospital for a bit because of my heart, so when they called me and said, “Baby Gjertsen died,” I thought about Dora, and I knew that — I was there. But no, I didn’t want to think about James. My shirt from the Diabetes Walk is still displayed in my office, and I love telling the story of SweetBabyJames.info.
You were a family who had very little need for a chaplain during those first 135 days, but I kept showing up because I fell in love with James and with your family. Your church and your faith have always been tremendous, and James was rather unique in our unit to have all those connections. So I don’t feel like I need to say any of those chaplain-esque things I might say to other families, which you already know and believe. I know exactly where James is and how perfect he is (and has always been, in his own way). But I cry for us. And I think of you (and Jesus washing your feet) every time I watch a heel stick. Today my tears worship your Savior.
I found your blog accidently, read it all in one sitting.
I am stunned and tears are streaming down my face. What an incredible family.
May Peace be with you always.
I am new to your website, referred here by your friend at cakewrecks.
As the mother of a daughter nearly your son’s age, my heart aches for you and I will be thinking of you and praying for you and James. What a beautiful boy and soul. I only wish I could have met him. It sounds like he was a very lucky boy to have you as parents, and you very lucky parents to care for such a dear soul.
I hope for you peace and the love and support from each other and your family and friends. And I wish for you that the love you feel in your heart for James and each other helps you through this as you grieve and cope.
Katie
I am sorry for your loss. God bless.
I am so sorry. I have read through the entire story today and my heart breaks for you.
Peace,
Annie
Sweet baby James truly was an angel. What a beautiful soul. I am so sorry that he is unable to be with you throughout life. I am sure he is watching over with you, and when your life ends, he will be running to you with open arms, anxious to hug his parents.
sweet baby james indeed. i’m so sorry for your loss. thank you for sharing his life with us.
I’m so sorry for your loss. James was a beautiful little soul and I know he is happy now. May you find courage and strength from your Heavenly Father. My prayers are with you in this time of need.
Hey James, my little buddy!! It’s “paci-lady”!!
I still can’t believe you’re gone, my little man.
You know I really do love you!! Don’t be thrown off by my tears, they’re really just me thinking there would have been more time to share and rejoicing, though your absence is hurtful, that I will see you again. The same God, who gave me the gift of your friendship, will let me see you again. So, you see, I’m hurting, but I’m also rejoicing – I know it’s kind of confusing, adults are sometimes difficult to understand, but these tears say I love you, James.
James, I feel like I knew you for so much longer than 16 months. I remember you at Winnie Palmer. You were so little. I got to hold you and was so afraid you weren’t comfortable in my arms. Even then, although you were so tiny, there was a connection w/ you I’ve never had with another baby that kept me coming back to see you! No, it’s not the connection of a parent, for I wasn’t given that privilege, but it was a connection of the heart between two friends. You know what I’m talking about. You always knew.
James, I must confess, I haven’t been the “baby goo-goo type” – I know, it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. My sister, Lisa definitely is and it’s beautiful, but I’m not wired that way. I hope that’s not too disappointing. Somehow I think you already knew. Anyway, w/ you it was different. I’ve tried to explain it to Mark, and others, but words don’t say enough, you know? But your Mom’s asked us to write, so I’ll try at the risk of maybe sounding as surreal as this all feels to me right now.
There was something about the light in your eyes. Yes, it’s true, everyone recognized your gorgeous eyelashes (you handsome little man, you!) and the marvelous blue color of your eyes, but there was something deeper (by the way, I loved stroking your beautiful blonde hair and playing w/ your little curls – you liked it, remember? My grandmother used to play w/ my hair, and I always liked it, so I thought you might like it as well).
While other infants look around, which is a natural thing to do, taking in their surroundings, etc.; and are mostly captivated by those most familiar to them, like their Mom and Dad, you’re capacity to connect, to express love really, was somehow much broader. Sure you lit up when you saw your Mom and Dad, who wouldn’t, they’re great people, I know you agree because we talked about it often. Anyway, you were different. It was as if you could look into my heart and I could look into yours. You weren’t distracted by your surroundings, but really desired to focus on people and this capacity, this gift you had was never maxed or full, but you were always able to give more, at least when I was around you. I guess that’s the distinction I wish to communicate. In childhood most of us are more focused inwardly on processing new stuff, our hands, our feet, our toys, etc. So, we’re focused on ourselves and interacting w/ our surroundings. It’s an expression of life that takes in more than it gives out in infancy. I don’t mean this in a negative way, for it’s the natural way God created us. But with you James, your expression of life was always giving. No matter how you must have felt with enzymes not working or blood sugar sinking or raging, you always had a smile to give and never really fussed.
Gazing into your “baby big blues” was kind of like staring into vast oceans. You captivated me, really. Your heart and spirit were so beautiful to me. The “chick magnet” bib doesn’t even remotely portray the depth of what I saw in you.
Remember when we were at the doctor’s office and had to get a stool sample? I convinced your mom to place a surgical glove in your diaper to allow us to separate your stool from the diaper w/o losing any of the stool – please forgive me, I know it looked (and probably felt) ridiculous. Then your goofy “paci-lady” (I was trying to not say it was me directly, you know James, it was kind of embarrassing, but you’re right, it was me) tried to clear the air from the syringe for your feeding and left a nice “Rorschach”-type milk-blot on the ceiling tiles above. What then followed was a cacophony of sounds. I let out a high pitched shrill and your mom let out this loud shout of “whoa” or something to that effect and I was sure the entire doctor’s staff would be at the door!! Of course, they would have been entirely mesmerized (and thereby distracted) by your cute little face and smile; however, they didn’t rush the door but we did quickly rush out!! That was so funny!! I have to laugh even now, just thinking about it!!
Then there were a couple of times when we had to get blood drawn. Remember the “Sponge Bob” sticker and how I tried desperately to distract you from the needle prick? You were always so brave James. And you were so tolerant of my antics! You always gave me a smile and it always encouraged me to continue (sorry, somehow I should have told you)!!
Then there were our feeding times…Remember when Dad brought out “Toucan Sam” on a hoop? We were trying to give you a little ocean adventure as you were fed which coincided with the little embroidered “pirate” saying on your little outfit. You smiled and others smiled w/ you as I hopped around, making various voices to bring to life a wooden bird (Toucan Sam that is), a number of stuffed animals, and some inanimate objects (I know those reading are thinking Toucan Sam and the stuffed animals are inanimate objects, but that’s not how we saw it, is it James?) a half inflated/deflated helium balloon, etc. It was all worth the smile you always gave us!!
Then there were the books and your favorite book about the fat caterpillar. Also, your favorite DVD of kids singing songs from songs/Psalms.
We also danced quite a bit. You liked the song by Newsboys, “He Reigns” and “My Redeemer Lives” by ??, and “Dive” by Stephen Curtis Chapman, and “God of Wonder” by Third Day and “Above All” by Michael W. Smith. Your little eyes were so captivated by praise and worship to our God and I was so captivated by you!
Remember when your Mom got that Asian piece of striped cloth her friend made (maybe it’s of African origin, I don’t remember – but remember how your outfit matched?). Anyway, you were such a good sport to let her wrap you up and she was so excited that she could carry you around close to her!! I know she’s a great Mom!! You let her know often with your smiles and coos!!
We prayed a lot too, didn’t we?
I’m sorry about the Accu-Check (sp?) that pricked your little heel and left a spot on the plaster we did for Father’s Day. I felt terribly about that. You didn’t cry though. You just gave me that beautiful smile.
Then there was the Variety Show on Sunday. I got to dance with you and you felt so big and strong!! You gave me such beautiful smiles and coos! I’m so thankful your Mom asked me to hold you while she taped your Dad (I think he learned all his dance moves from Napolean Dynamite – we won’t tell – shh!!)!
James, I could go on and on, you know me!!
I guess if you had lived too many years, I wouldn’t be able to find the pieces to my heart, let alone pick them up. I wanted you to see my puppies swim in their pool. I think you would have liked that. I just saw you for what now seems like too short a period of time w/ visits that were too infrequent. I want you to know, my heart will never forget you. It can’t. Love doesn’t forget. It can’t because it binds hearts eternal and what is eternal is unforgettable for it has no end!
In closing, it’s kind of ironic James. You know some people thought you were limited with the semi-lobar holoprosencephaly, but you really weren’t. In a physical way, maybe you had some difficulties, but God was working in you and you were overcoming beyond anything any of us could imagine to even ask God to do or accomplish!! However, in a spiritual sense, where God’s focus really lies and ironically where most of us have difficulty seeing, there James, you could connect with anyone who was willing to look. That’s where you connected with me. In that place you were not in any way limited, but so gifted! And as gifts are intended to give, so you were always giving yours away.
Little man, you touched my soul. I’m 43 and you were only 16 months old and James, I have learned more from you than most adults I’ve known in my lifetime. The real connectedness I shared with you normally takes years to achieve through much relationship and many words. You achieved it in such a small amount of time and w/o any words!
I am so grateful to have known you here, little James. Just to spend time with you was my privilege. Just to know you was a rare gift. Our God amazes me James! He works in ways that absolutely astound me!
You are missed so deeply, it really hurts, but I know I will see you again! I know it won’t be long and I know God will, just as He created you and allowed us to connect here, preserve the spot in my heart for our reunion!! I really love you, my little buddy.
Love, your retired and paci-less, “paci-lady”.
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I just came across your blog today. I watched the beautiful video of James’ first year of life, and I have looked at the photos here of you together with him. The pictures of James and his mother looking at each other with such love just break my heart and fill me with joy at the same time. He was so loved and he brought so much joy to you and so many people. He has touched my life today, I will appreciate every moment so much more because of your sweet beautiful baby.
I am so, so, so sorry to hear of your loss. James was a beautiful boy with the brightest eyes, and longest lashes. His spirit was so strong…a fighter. He was a joy to care for in POD 3 . He made us smile so often . Today he has made me cry. I know that his job here is done and he has given us his lessons. He had to hurry off to heaven because his little sister needed him to play. Together they will be laughing in heaven at the feet of Jesus until you go to them. They are loved and safe, together. I show everyone that comes to my home the card you made for the nurses that said “thank you for helping to saving my life.” My family knows him and his story. They are saddend today too. Know that in all your grief you are not alone. We all are praying for you.
I have just found your site through Cake Wrecks. I am so touched to read the story of James and of his bravery and the courage of his phenomenal parents.
I’m also a mom and am feeling enormously grateful for my babies right now.
May God bring you peace and comfort and even joy in this very difficult time.
I just found your blog (CakeWrecks). I’m so sorry that James isn’t here anymore, though I’m glad that he is with God and freed from all his struggles. What a very special baby he was! I’m so glad that he was yours to care for and that now he will be cared for by his eternal Father. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I don’t know you personally. I’m a fan of cakewrecks and just read your friends post about James and watched the video of his life. I am so deeply touched today at the amount of love you had for James and the love he had for you. It was apparent to me that in the short time he was in your life love was what he came here for. I’ll cherish my little ones a little more now, as I remember your story. Thank you for sharing it.
What a beautiful boy, and what a joy to have him in your lives and you in his life. The amount of time with him physically does not matter. He is loved and will continue to be loved. You are an incredible family and my heart is with you. Thank you for sharing your lives. You make such a positive difference!
I came across your story a few weeks ago during one of my late night follow the links where they take me kinda things. I was up until almost sunrise reading every single entry, soaking up each smile in the photos. What an amazing little guy he was! I didn’t know James or his family personally but just looking at that little face I did know that he was something special. Of course all God’s children are special, but you know what I mean. The only way I can say it is “there is definately something going on behind those eyes”…I’m sure of it. Watching him grow bigger and stronger and his curls grow longer…that something was always there. He was a precious gift to his parents. They are special special people who were chosen carefully to share those 482 days with him. What love, what compassion, what hope, what courage, what strength, what faith they had. The number of lives this family has touched and will touch is greater than any of us can imagine. Rockabye Sweet Baby James.
I am so sorry for your two losses. I’ve been keeping up with your blog since James was born and I can’t tell you how much your relationship with Christ has meant to me. You’re strength is amazing. I pray that both of you will continue to find comfort in Christ.
Dear Abby and John,
I just found your blog through CakeWrecks and have read through James’s life story. I pray that you feel the everlasting arms of our heavenly father right now, just as He now cradles James.
As I watched the Youtube video, it struck me how blessed you were to have those 482 days. You see, my husband and I married 4 years ago. Although having children was a desire of both of our hearts, because we were in our 40′s, we decided the risk of birth defects was too high and that’s not how we wanted to spend our life together. So we practiced birth control. Then last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Per usual, the chemo, radiation, and now medication put me into menopause, so now conceiving is definitely off the table. Adoption is a whole ‘nother issue. But when I heard James cooing and laughing, I think it would have been worth the risk. I wish I had trusted my heavenly Father more.
I look forward to meeting both of you and James in eternity. I’ll be the one volunteering to babysit for all the little ones!
I just met James today. I read his entire life in a few short hours. I cherished his smile and his beautiful eyes.
I love the way you shared your doubts. So many people are afraid to share the pain and the questions they have about God. I share your knowledge of sin and evil as being the cause for James’ and my own daughters physical problems. I praise God for you, for your family and friends and pray for your comfort during the remainder of your life.
I pray also that the Lord our God blesses your life with children in whatever manner He choosed.
May the peace of Our Lord be with you.
Terri
Colleen and I are shedding tears of sadness over this news. We are praying for you and know that while God grieves deeply over this death, He also rejoices in His mighty arm to restore all things as they should be.
I came here via Cake Wrecks and read through the blog in one emotional sitting. I’m grateful to have gotten to know James and his family through these stories, and my thoughts are with you all right now.
I met James and your family today after seeing the link on Cakewrecks. Instead of working, I read all of James’ story. I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through. I’m so sorry for your losses, both James and Dora. I know that you will remember them always in your heart. I admire your strength and courage in all that you’ve been through, and your reliance on God and knowing that He is in control. I pray for you, that God will wrap His loving arms around you in comfort. I pray that He blesses you with wonderful, healthy children in the future, not to replace James and Dora but wonderful additions to your family.
The pictures of James’ are so cute and he had a smile that looks like it would light up a room.
God bless and comfort you all of the days of your life.
Tracy
James was a beautiful, beautiful boy. My thoughts are with you both and the rest of his family and many friends during this incredibly sad time. I hope it’s at least a small comfort to know how much you and your dear James taught so many of us about love, grace, patience, and strength. I am very happy that you have so many wonderful memories of your son, and I hope that they will be a comfort in the midst of such grief.
With love,
Becky
I have so many wonderful memories of James… here are my favorites…
His infectious smile. It would light up his whole face. He had one of those smiles that would make everyone else smile.
His beautiful eyelashes.
A few weeks ago, after one of his feedings, his gas was so painful and he was crying hard. Abby, you looked at me and said, “Do you know the “Itsy Bitsy Spider?” I said yes (hesitantly), and said, “Sing it– go!” I’m not one to sing in front of other people, but it was James. He was absolutely captivated by the song and motions. It was amazing how he seemed to forget about the pain while you vented him. I’m sure Jesus and the angels sing an awesome rendition of the “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”
The other day you looked so blissfully content when I ran my fingers through your beautiful curls.
I will miss you, sweet baby James, and am so grateful I got to know you.
Abby and John,
Words can not begin to express how sad and shocked I am to hear of your loss. I have been thinking and praying for your family since the news yesterday morning. To say a few things that fondly remind me of James is difficult, but a few came to mind right away. One being the therapy session where he was sitting on your lap Abby and we were reading “Pat the Bunny” encouraging James to turn the page, when all of the sudden he did, and tears just rolled down my face. He was so smart and strong. The second story that brings a smile to my face during this sad time is when he was in his high chair and we were trying to encourage grasping my placing his hand in beans, all of a sudden Baby James came up with a huge sneeze and blew beans all across the room. Abby, you and I were both taken back with laughter. I think he was playing with us.
I have admired your family since the moment I met James. Your strength and courage was evident daily, and your sense of faith is amazing. You both are an inspiration to all. My prayers go out to you during this extremely difficult and painful time. I miss your son, my little friend dearly.
My good pal, the Jim-Jam: Your folks picked out a beautiful song that I’m going to try to warble through, on Sunday afternoon. I usually try to go for quality and clarity when I sing, but I think this Sunday afternoon would have been a good time for you to have left your hearing aid at home.
It was a unique privilege to peek in on your earliest days at Winnie Palmer, tracing your little noggin’ with my finger. Just last week, I was looking forward to many more snuggles, increasing in strength and sweetness.
Enough has been said about your lashes. Those were out of control; bordering on illegal.
At the conclusion of last year’s variety show, we watched a video montage of dozens of our people melt across the screen. It was so fitting to witness the whole room coming unglued with celebration as your picture appeared. I don’t leap for joy at many things, but that was worth it. We have lost a true celebrity.
It is difficult telling friends that your mom and dad no longer have you; but I’m careful not to say that they “lost” you, since that would mean that they don’t know where you are: They know. It’s just that nobody was quite ready for your creator’s timing, so we’re gonna be wounded for a while.
We’ll catch up with you. Leap and twirl for joy in Heaven’s bright sun.
Oh, Abby and John, my heart is crushed for you.
I am so, so glad I got to meet James this past November. The way he smiled and “laughed” at my little Kate is something I will never forget. In his short life, he showed more strength, patience, and perseverence than many of us will ever know. It is a small consolation to my grieving heart to know that he is now free of pain and in a place of eternal rest and happines.
Abby and John, you have been such an inspiration to me during this past 16 months for your strength and faithfulness. I checked your website almost daily for updates on your beautiful boy, but more often than not, I was given a lesson in love, faith, obedience, hope, courage, and endurance. May our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ comfort and sustain you, and may James’s memory be eternal.
I’ve read the entire blog today. I’m so very grateful to have gotten to know you and James today. Thank you for sharing his life with me.
I am so sorry for your loss. Be at peace, and may the hands of the divine be upon you all.
I am so thankful I got to come over Monday, two days before Jesus took him home, to play with James.
He smiled a lot,and was so cuddly and loveable, as usual!
We looked at books and he liked his paci! It was fun to “baby” him and let him enjoy that paci. I was so looking forward to having him come over to play in my pool. It is a sad thing to look at it and realize that won’t happen on this earth.
I loved dancing with him at Matt and Joy’s wedding.
I prayed so much for his healing. I never knew the manner in which God would answer that. It is hard to put my feelings into words right now. It is hard to believe he’s in heaven.
There are a few s feelings I can put into words with no problem: 1)James was unusually blessed with the most loving, dedicated, capable, wise, wonderful parents. and 2) I love you guys!
Patty
I just found your blog today thru cake wrecks and my heart is aching for you.
What a lovely, handsome young man! Thank you for sharing him with us even for the briefest moment in time. He was and will always be a special angel.
Hugs and prayers for your family.
Dear John and Abby,
I, like so many, was just introduced to your sweet son through Jen at cake wrecks.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful boy and your story of courage with us. You are an inspiration.
God smiles brighter tonight with James at his side. Heaven has reclaimed an angel…albeit, too soon.
Rest assured of our every prayer – May God’s peace be with you.
I’ve come to know “Sweet Baby James” through your website and followed his journey. He was such a sweet baby and had wonderful parents to care for him the way you did at no matter what cost to you. It’s truly wonderful that you were blessed with him and had him for those 482 days. Any child should be that lucky to have parents like that. I work with your friend’s sister and we would check on James every morning and just loved seeing the photos and his smiles all the time. He was truly a blessing and will be missed by many. John, Abby, James and Dora, you are always in our thoughts.
Abby,
I have often wondered how you and your family were doing, asking those who may know. I’m so sorry we lost touch, but please know that you have been in my prayers OFTEN. I was so sad to hear about James today. I grieve for your loss; he was so fortunate to have had your love, strength, and faith in Christ for 16 months. I will continue to pray that you feel Christ’s arms around you and John. Love and prayers, Michele Dershimer
I am so incredibly sorry for the passing of your beautiful son James. I too came here via Cake Wrecks and his story has touched me in ways I cannot describe.
Know that in his 482 days he has impacted more people than most do in an entire lifetime.
Wishing you and your family much love and peace.
I found your blog this morning thru the blog “Cake Wrecks”. I began reading from your first post late this morning and have read every one. My deepest sympathies to you for the loss of both your children. You are such a strong family to be able to handle such devistation as you have endured. I’m thankful to have “known” James through your words. My thoughts are with your family.
I, too, found your blog through “Cake Wrecks.” I have read dozens and dozens of posts, my daughter standing next to me. She was born 10 weeks premature, at 2lbs 12 oz. She is now almost 6 years old. We adopted her from the foster care system, and she has been such a blessing from God.
My heart goes out to you at this difficult time. Your story is such an inspiration, particularly the Psalm of James, and the letter from future dad to NICU dad. I wept over the words, and found hope in them as well.
Your family will be in our prayers–God bless you for the beautiful life you gave James, and the beautiful inspiration he gave others.
Mary
I came by from CakeWrecks.
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son. I know that he is now with his baby sister Dora, and they are playing and laughing and having a wonderful time with each other, in the loving arms of the Lord.
God Bless and keep you in this time of great sorrow.
John and Abby,
I am so, so sorry. James seemed so full of joy and love, I wish I could have met him and seen the two of you with him. He brought such love to you both. I hope you will wrap yourselves in that the next few days. I’m praying that your grief does not overwhelm you. With deep sympathy, Ginger
We love you guys and will miss Baby James. We feel that he has been part of our lives as we have followed his life on this site (thank you for keeping the blog). We know this isn’t the end of the story and look forward in hope to when Jesus will restore all things.
God Bless you and your James. Thank you for sharing him with us – your story of a great love. I wish you peace and happiness, and will keep you in my prayers.
Oh Abbey and John, I can’t even begin to explain my thoughts and feelings.
Honestly, little James was probably THE MOST happy and joyful little guy I’ve ever seen. And the cutest(and you know that means something from me); he really did have a special something about him that just made everyone smile in his presence.
I try to remember that the Giver of Peace has called him home into his arms. In the midst of all of his struggles he was so blessed to be born to parents who love the Lord and him so much.
May God carry you on the days when you are weary. James was a very special happy boy who was loved more than he could ever know. Many prayers for all who loved James in his life, and for the parents who enjoyed every moment of his 482 days on this Earth.
I was able to bond with my little boyfriend during his stay at WPH. I had the privilege of feeding him a few times before his tube, and was on the other end of his explosive eruptions, but he was always smiling with those beautiful eyelashes. I take great comfort and knowing he is with his little sister and my grandmother. When he went on the floor at winnie for tummy time, and was so engaged with Mr. Bee or his field trips around the unit…
Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name. For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations. Psalm 100:4-5
Dearest John & Abby and all that love James.. I pray, God, when my life seems unbearably painful, I will place my hope in you. I will forsake my own failing strength and rest on your wings of mercy. Amen
James,
You captured my heart…something no other man has really ever been able to do (even though you were a “little man.”). You were, in a word, amazing and I will never forget the 482 days God blessed us with your presence. So many words want to spill out but the tears won’t let them. I’m so glad you are now in the presence of Jesus and that we will see you again one day soon.
What a beautiful baby boy! I recently found little James’ blog and spent WAY too long reading about him, and falling head over heels in love. He is absolutely adorable – you just gotta love those long eyelashes and curly hair! This world certainly lost one of it’s living angels. Thank you for sharing your hearts.
Please know this family and all the friends and people that knew and loved James are in my thoughts and prayers at this most difficult time.
I did not hear about James until today – I found a link to this page via “Cake Wrecks” today (I only found the cake blog yesterday). My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this tough time. Many hugs, as well.
I just came across your website tonight…..What a beautiful little man, with the most beautiful eyelashes! I haven’t seen eyelashes like that since a little boy named Nicolas I helped care for went to Heaven in 1995. I hope and pray that your memories give you comfort…..
I have spent the evening reading your blog and getting to know James and your family. What a lovely family you are.
When my husband and I lost our daughter at 20 weeks, one of the things that kept me going was the kind words of strangers. And so, as a stranger, I offer to you my sincere condolences for both of your losses this summer. I am so very sorry.
I will pray that you find comfort in the fact that your sweet baby boy is safe in the arms of God. You are in my prayers during this difficult time of loss. Thank you for sharing the past 482 days with us you have inspired us all.
http://babyjessecaleb.blogspot.com/
Your friend shared your site on her blog. I was touched and felt impressed to share something that my aunt and uncle shared with us…they have recently been through a similar, but shorter journey.
Welcome to Holland
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make wonderful plans. The Colliseum, Michelangelo’s David, The Gondolas in Venice. You may learn some hand phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later the plane lands.
The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” “HOLLAND? What do you mean, Holland.
I signed up for Italy. I am supposed to be in Italy. All of my life, I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” But there has been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland, and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven’t taken you to a horrible, digusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It’s just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have otherwise met. It’s a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy. Less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while, and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice
that Holland has windmills. Tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy. They’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.
And for the rest of your life, you will say,
“Yes, that’s were I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.” Maybe the pain of that will never go away, because the loss of that dream
is a significant loss. But if you spend your life in mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things of Holland.
Amy and I have been touched by the many people we have met who have also been to Holland. We love Holland. It’s a beautiful place. Very close to heaven, I suppose…
To think that tonight your son is in the arms of Jesus………could He be singing “rock-a-bye Sweet Baby James” to your precious boy? Or a melody far too beautiful too imagine? He is safe. He is home.
Oh, but the depth of anguish in the soul of a mother and father who no longer hold their child warm and heavy and close. The weight in your arms is gone……and a new weight of sorrow has taken its place. My heart aches for both of you. James was incomparable in his beauty. His eyes reflected such peace and joy. He was loved so completely by you. Can you imagine God’s perfect love? James now knows this. God is good all the time. He alone will pull you, carry you, push you, lift you, listen to you, speak to you, cry with you and laugh again with you. How very pleased He must be with you, Abby and John, for loving His child here in this world. James has given the world the greatest testimony of grace and love.
I have walked this road of sorrow……..and I will walk it again for you in my prayers on your behalf.
Thank you for sharing your sweet children with me and so many others. Just think, James can run to Dora and play and play………………and tell her all about Mommy and Daddy. You will hold them one sweet day……..What a glorious promise!
Some angels are too beautiful for this world…may yours fly above and keep watch over you. God bless.
i found your blog today through cakewrecks. i’m so sorry for your loss. your faith and strength during his 482 days of life has been such an encouragement to me. though we’ve never met, we share the bond of Jesus’ blood and as your sister in Christ, i rejoice that James is in heaven…where there are no tears, no sadness and no pain. God bless you.
Baby James was ENTHRALLING. I have been compelled like SOO MANY others to check on his progress almost every day. The unbelievable odds, his spirit, his smile, your unbelievable commitment and your resilient faith… he and you have been an example and inspiration to us all in our own struggles and disappointments and wrestlings with the Almighty. James is so memorable that he will continue to touch us for years to come. He has done much good.
I was just a few hours ago referred to this site by a post on the Children With Diabetes forum. I have read every post and looked at every picture. My heart aches for little James and your entire family. I know what you have gone though. When I saw the first picture my heart raced and I was literally stunned. James looked remarkably like another little boy that was born on October 8th, 1969. That boy was my first-born son Billy and the first time I saw him he too was in an incubator and fairly bristled with tubes and wires. He was tiny, painfully thin – especially his face – and had angry red birthmarks on his face. He was so pathetic and so fragile and I fell deeply in love with him,
Billy didn’t suffer from as many conditions as SweetBabyJames, but he faced death many times over the course of his life, losing his last battle just a few years ago. He, like your little James, was a fighter. I hope they are both running, jumping and playing and doing all the things they couldn’t do in life. One thing is for sure; both of those little boys know they were loved.
It will be hard for you but it will get better – I promise. As you prepare for the Celebration of his life I would like to offer you my thoughts at my son’s funeral. I keep Billy’s eulogy in my desk drawer so that I can keep him near to me. I shared this with the CWD forum and I would like to share it with you.
Love and prayers from our family to yours.
http://forums.childrenwithdiabetes.com/showthread.php?t=10648&highlight=eulogy
What a darling little man and what a wonderful family. My heart goes out to you.
I just found out about this blog today when your friend at cake wrecks posted in memoriam. I only got through the first month or so of posts and couldn’t finish the video because it was all so heartwrenching. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in these difficult times.
Oh, my goodness, how to describe the heartache and sadness I am overcome with? I know it cannot possibly compare to yours, but I feel it acutely nonetheless. I was one of the first night nurses to take care of James at Winnie, in Pod 1. I know he had many “girlfriends” in his time there, and my time spent caring for him was brief- when you were still wondering what was happening with him, what was going to happen- but even then, in the early days, I was struck by the love and calm peacefulness that your family exuded, and I instantly fell head over heels in love with your beautiful, tiny baby boy. I remember placing my hands on him, in the dark, as he slept, and marveling over the soft curve of his skull as it turned into his neck, the silkiness of his hair, the long, luscious lashes that shadowed his cheeks. His tiny feet and slender limbs were so delicate and soft and I admit I touched him then, I wrapped my fingers around his arms and legs, I placed a hand around his tiny head, and I tried my best to let all of the love in my heart flow over him. It’s hard to comprehend how one little boy and one family, amongst so many that we meet, can so quickly become a part of your heart and soul, or how one little baby and the struggle of two amazing, blessed, tender, gentle-hearted people can inspire so many others by their mere existence, but that is exactly what you have done. I cannot tell you how many nurses would crowd around at night when we would check your website for updates, ooh-ing and cooing over the pictures of James. We agonized over your frustrations and we prayed for all of you to know peace and love and joy without the pain of struggle. Even after you left our care, we thought of you often and spoke your story to as many as we could as a beacon of hope. Your life, the life you have shared so openly with all of us, has changed me for eternity, and I will always, always ALWAYS carry the memory of James and the love and light that he represented for all of us in my heart. Heartfelt love to all of you.
I found this website tonight, but I can’t remember how and spent the evening reading.
I can’t begin to express my sadness at your loss I pray that your family finds strength and peace in your faith and God.
Thank you for sharing your incredible little boy.
Heaven just gained a beautiful angel.
I read your chronological story. I am so sorry for the loss of your little James. He fought so hard for every day. The writings that you have done on this blog are wonderful and having a deep faith comes through clearly.
I enjoyed the pictures that were posted and I think my favorites were of James in the pumpkin, I loved seeing the pictures when he put on the weight. He had the most gorgeous curly hair and beautiful long eyelashes.
God bless your babies in heaven and special wishes for you both during this difficult time.
I came upon this website at 11pm August 21st, from Cake Wrecks. I was born 21 years ago a premature baby – 2 lbs, 7oz and 14 inches. I was born three months before my due date in 1987, which meant that my doctors at the time gave me a 3% chance of living. I fought my hardest and because of that, I have always felt a special kinship with premature babies. Although when I started reading the archive, I knew the end of James’ story, I wanted to read and honor another preemie baby and his battle. His story has reminded me to thank God for taking me and protecting me this far and to count my blessings. I will always remember him and I will try my hardest to save enough money to give to March of Dimes in his honor. Thank you for reminding me how precious my own gift of life is. I am sorry for your loss and God bless you.
What a beautiful and inspiring boy. Thank you for sharing his story. Like so many others, I am thinking about him and your family at this time.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son, and so impressed by what a loving and faithful family you are. I wish Baby James could have spent many more years in this life, but during his time here I know he cherished every moment with you. Thank you for sharing his story and his adorable smile with us all. My thoughts are with you.
i have just found your site today, through cake wrecks. i simply wish i had the right words to leave. my heart is so very heavy for your family. i too believe he is in perfect peace with Jesus, waiting to see you both one day…. with open arms. but, i can’t imagine the pain, during these days. our family will keep yours in our thoughts and will lift you up daily in prayer for strength. God blessed you with a gorgeous baby boy, keep his memory alive!! once again, i am so sorry for your loss. tara in maryland
I have enjoyed immensely reading Jame’s blog since his birth. I followed it with excitement and kept checking back to see if there was anything new posted. I feel as though I know the whole family! Such a brave family and James was a real star! There are some people who come to this earth with a special mission and they often don’t stay very long. Just long enough to complete their mission. I call these people “SHINERS” and James certainly shone. He has taught people all over the world about courage, love and life! All this in 16 months! I went to bed last night very distressed about the loss of this lovely boy. I had a dream. I was standing with Abby and we were watching James running about. He had that famous smile and seemed delighted to be able to run and play like other children. After a while he noticed us standing there and grinned and said, “Mommy, I don’t like meat”! It was if he finally got to taste a lot of yummy foods but had decided that meat was not for him. He was finally free of all the problems that had plagued him in life….Have fun playing James, we are gonna miss you. Thanks for giving us a vision of heaven….Jo
My thoughts and prayers and heart go out to you. James was a beautiful wonderful baby. I know that he is definitely going to watch over you until you can be together again.
God Bless
Sweet Baby James is the most precious child I have been privileged to know (I feel like I know him even though we never met)other than my two grandchildren. Oh, I am so sad for what Mommy and Daddy and grandparents are going through missing him. Yet I know from their blogs that God will hold them all in the palm of his hand and comfort them until they meet James again in heaven. I have followed your blog almost from the day you were born, and every new picture I was so excited to see your progress and how handsome you kept getting. Those eyelashes I will remember as long as I have memory and every new picture brightened my days with your smiles.
I just know how sweet you were from the look on your face. I am not good with words, but I will continue to pray that your family is blessed and I know their faith in our God will get them through this sad time in their lives. James, enjoy your place in heaven where you can run and play and enjoy a healthy body. You have been such an inspiration to those on earth whose lives you touched. So has your family.
God Bless Mommy and Daddy and Grandparents,
Dorothy Ballance
Dear John & Abby, I’m so grieved with you. How much you must miss him. How precious James’ life was. I have followed your journey online back from the “childproof” site through the times of rejoicing and the tough times. I remember when all of us were at Rice together and I feel a special bond among those of us in IV/BSM who married other Rice grads, and a common interest in the journeys we’ve each taken – like the Lis and the Vogans. How true that we “do not know what tomorrow will bring”, much less 12 years. From Troy, far away in Afghanistan, and me, far away in Okinawa, we send our love and prayers. We are so sorry we never got to meet James but so glad he had you as his parents. And God was glorified. God was glorified. Much love,
Renda
I am sorry to hear of your recent loss of Baby James.
Your faith in God is a powerful testimony.
Upon the death of our twins at 14 weeks, I received a CD from Babbie Mason (Dove Award winning Christian Musician)that has truly blessed my heart. I would like to share these words with you.
May this song be a blessing to parents and extended family that were graced with a precious angel.
Trust His Heart
Written by: Babbie Mason and Eddie Carswell
All things work for our good
though sometimes we can’t see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows what’s best for us;
His ways are not our own.
So, when your pathway grows dim,
and you just can’t see Him,
Remember He’s still on the throne.
God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand,
when you don’t see His plan,
When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.
He sees the Master plan.
He holds the future in His hands.
So don’t live as those who have no hope.
All our hope is found in Him.
We walk in present knowledge,
but He sees the first and the last.
And like a tapestry, He’s weaving you and me
to someday be just like Him.
God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand,
when you don’t see His plan,
When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.
By His Grace Alone,
Elissa Holder
Fayetteville, GA
Member of Children with Diabetes Forum
http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com
I just learned about your story, and words cannot express the saddeness I feel in knowing your little boy has passed away. My thoughts are with you and your family, and I hope for continued strenght. You are an amazing couple and your little angel a true fighter. May you look up to the sky and see how much brighter the stars shine, because James is lighting them up for you.
I never had the pleasure of meeting James, but having known the both of you, I feel as though I have. James struggles and triumphs taught me to rejoice in our Lord for the smallest successes and to weep and pray fervently through our afflictions, knowing they are but for a moment. This blog has encouraged and uplifted my spirit to look forward to the hope that is to come. It has also reminded me that our days are indeed numbered and to make the most of each opportunity as it is presented to us in faith.
I only heard about James yesterday, and I read through all your archives last night. James was so blessed to have you both as parents. I am so moved by James’ courage in life, and your courage, strength and faith as well. Thank you for sharing his story with us all. He truly has touched so many and I feel like he will always be an angel watching over us all.
I just came across your story via the Cake Wrecks blog, and have read of the loss of your two precious children. Please accept my deepest condolences. I am lost for words, but believe there is divine wisdom in everything. Your strength, courage and faith are an inspiration for all. May God bless you and your family and friends.
God bless you and your family…you are much stronger people now with what you have gone through over the past year. There is a reason that little boy came into your life. Please accept my deepest condolences, I have a 4 month old daughter and couldn’t imagine losing her, just remember all of the good times you had with him, and that beautiful smile on his face, he is safe and is watching over you now.
Our prayers go to you and your family. We heard about your dear sweet James thru Children with Diabetes. Our hearts break for you.
I just read through your entire blog in one sitting after finding a link to your blog on a message board I frequent (thenest.com). My son is a perfectly healthy 3 month old (tomorrow). Being a new mom, I do find myself stressed out/upset when my son, Carmine, has off days. The strength you and your family has shown blows my mind. I am so sorry for the loss of your son, but I am happy that he is not suffering and I know he’s in heaven with his little sister having a great time. Thank you for putting your journey into words, it has made me appreciate my healthy son more than I did before.
I came to your site following the post on Cake Wrecks. I weep for your painful loss, my heart aches for you. Praise God for taking away his suffering and I pray that he continues to heal and strengthen you both. What a blessing he was and blessed with wonderfully caring parents. May God surround you with love and comfort in the days to come. Thank you for sharing your beautiful son with the world.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. We are new members.But I remember when we first started going there reading about Baby James and his condition. Right then I started praying for this little baby. My heart went out to you guys right then. We haven’t really gotten to know you guys or Baby James but I did on Sunday morning the 17th. I have never sat close to Baby James or you guys until then. When you came in to sit in front of us Abby with your precious baby I was so blessed. All my burdens and cares were lifted just after seeing your baby smileing at me and you smileing at him. It brought tears to my eyes. He was a happy baby boy because you guys. I know I will get to see him again and know him. You did a great job with him I know that just by looking at him on Sunday. It was his time to go. I am just so thankful that I got to see him smile and wave at him on Sunday before the LORD took him. We love you and are praying for you!
Carrie Mills
John and Abby,
We grieve with you, and look forward to finally worshipping Jesus along with James, and you, where there will be no death or crying. You are two of my heros, walking through your valleys with the courage and peace that come from persistant faith. You have been a reminder of the joy that God offers in serving, loving, and giving, even without some of the “returns” that parents usually expect. Even without meeting James, his life story has been powerful witness to the goodness and miracle of life, and a wonderful reminder that every child is precious and valuable.
We are praying that God will sustain, encourage, undergird you, free you from any fear or bitterness, and that you will know His presence with you.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
Ashley Reiter Ahlin
My sincerest condolences on the loss of your beautiful boy. I only discovered sweet baby James through a link from another site today and have just read through the entire journey that was his life. He was such an adorable boy and my heart aches for you. I will keep you all in my thoughts.
Dear Abby, John, Nana, Bill and all the family,
I just went to the website and I am so sad, my tears are heavy and I cannot even write–will do that later. You are ALL in my prayers. I know God will be beside you both and with James as he makes his transition to be in his heavenly home.
I know so well the pain and hurt of loss and I grieve for you all.
You have been so strong in your faith and love for all through James that many lives have found
that same faith, peace and love through you.
May you find the comfort and peace that you need now by all those whom James touched.
Thank you for sharing your world with many who needed your strength, love and wisdom.
My Love, Aunt Kay
I can only imagine what those beautiful eyes are seeing now! “For now we see as through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” 1 Corinthians 12:13
what a beautiful boy I am so sorry to hear of your loss and you will be in our prayers!
God Bless you.
To the whole Gjertsen family – How you have shone light and truth in darkness! Each of you. We are all blessed by the open sharing of your lives with us. Abby and John, I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could articulate how my heart aches for you. Just please know that we love you and continue to pray for all of you.
I live in Gadsden, Alabama, and I found your blog from the entry yesterday on cakewrecks.com, and I have read every single entry since yesterday.
I want to thank you for your faith, your dedication, and your realness.I am 27 and my husband and I haven’t started trying to have a baby yet, but it may be difficult for us to conceive as well due to my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) as well as Diabetes (type 2). Your blog has been such an inspiration to me.
I can’t understand what you are going through right now, but I do know that God does. I know He has his arms tightly around you. Keep clinging to Him. James and Dora are in Heaven right now, maybe even playing together, with no tears and no pain.
I am praying for you and all of your family. I feel like I know you after reading about your journey.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your strength in such a time of sorrow is very inspiring.
Dear Abby and John,
We just want tell you guys how sorry we are for your loss and that we ,along with many, many others here in Savannah have been praying for you and for James since before he was born. I know that God is your strength and protector and in the times when you feel as though your strength may be gone,just know that God knows your hearts and will keep comforting you until you see James again.We love you very much and will be with you in prayer and spirit during this time. We love you.
Alan and Bonnie Boyette
I first heard of James from the website about Parker Underwood. I’m the grandmother of 12, the last 4 since the birth of your James. I have followed your story ever since and have been amazed and blessed by your faith and testimony this past year. I have prayed for all of you and enjoyed watching James as he progressed. He was a beautiful little boy. And how fortunate he was that he was born into your lives. God knew he would be blessed as well as all of you. I am praying God will continue to bless your lives and hold you close as you grieve for that sweet baby.
In Christ,
Judy Conrad
Dear Abby and John,
When I think of James I think of that smiling baby I met over Thanksgiving and how I enjoyed watching that cute, funny, little grin while I held him. He was so sweet I didn’t want to hand him over. What a sweet nature he had.
Little James endured a great deal but you gave him as much love as he could ever have received. Although he was burdened by medical problems he was couldn’t have been more blessed to be born to you. I know your love soothed his little body and soul as far as love could do so. He’ll be missed but he’ll be with God until you meet him again.
You are both much loved just as James was. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you.
Maggie
Dear Abby and John,
I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve been praying for you and James and know that God will help you through this. Your strength in God is amazing and inspiring. While I know that this is a heartbreaking time for you, just remember that he is with the Lord now…waiting to see the two of you again someday.
I only got to meet him once, but the time I spent with him made me see that he was one of the happiest babies despite all that was against him. I know that you two gave him the best of life. I pray that you will keep your faith during this hard time and remember that precious baby James is with his Savior. I love you both.
Abby,
We are saddened to hear of your loss but heartened to know of your trust in Jesus and his mercy. Scripture always tells us of Jesus immense love for little children and we can be reassured James is resting with his Lord and Savior. We pray you will know all the comfort of His loving arms.
Mark and Sarah Huaman
I found this blog through another that told the sad news of the passing of James. I read each entry over the course of three days and even with knowing that James’ time on this earth had ended I cheered at small victories and was saddened by the setbacks.
I have no shame at sitting at my desk with tears on my cheeks. I may not share your faith but I do believe that there is no suffering for children when they pass and only a place of great joy.
Dear Abby and John,
I cannot express in words how special it was to meet James last week. Abby, I never get the chance to leave the office during the day to go to Publix!! To actually see the two of you was just fate. You have been a special friend to me and one I don’t see all the time, but friend in every context. I needed you at Winter Springs and your words and inspiration I will never forget. Not to mention you and John (and his Sambas!!) at the cold soccer games!! I am so sorry for your loss but grateful that James had both of you. What a great little guy! Love, Donna
Abby and John, my thoughts are with you in this time of grief. Thank you so much for sharing James beautiful life with us.
Your son has touched so many hearts, mine included. Every time I would read the blog my heart would warm . You are all in my thoughts.
Stacy
I am from a different faith to your own, but I hope that you will accept my thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
James’ story is both heart-breaking and inspiring, and has touched my heart to know of such kindness from his caregivers and such a beautiful, brave child. I feel blessed to have known of him.
Your little angel has gone to heaven… Although James’s stay on Earth seemed just a fleeting moment in time, our loving memories of him will last forever. In those few precious days we came to know and love Sweet Baby James. There just wasn’t enough time to let you know how special and important he was and how blessed we all are to have known him. Pain and suffering has ended in Baby James’ life, so we weep with you for your loss, – our loss, but James is now in a place of beauty where there is no hurt, no pain, no war, no hate, and no death and through our faith we know that eternal life is to be brought forth through God, strong enough to hold all His children. James has now seen God, and God has a need for him. So, you see, James did not die, he is reborn.
Remember, in the future when you feel a gentle breeze, It will be a hug from James sent from Heaven. If a soft and tender raindrop lands upon your nose James will have added a small kiss to get you through your day. Love and forever holding up both of you in our prayers.
Yours in Christ,
Uncle Ed
Abby, today you called the lab with I thought was going to be just “Hey, we will be on Sat.”,instead you kept in in James’s life for one last time. I was taking care of someone else at the time and all I could do was push back the tears to know that here at this place I will no longer get to play with my wonderful smiling friend James. I will never forget our visits, for he always put a smile in my heart EVERY time he came in. His strength that he learned from you was wonderful to be a part of. Your family and his smile and “kisses” will forever stay with me. You are in my prayers….
I just found your webpage today….I’m not even sure how, just saw a link to it from another site!
Your son is beautiful.
I am so sorry for your incredible loss, there are no words to express my sorrow for you.
I hope your baby is smiling down on you and embracing you with his love, and carrying you during this time of grief.
Sweet Baby James,
What a fitting title. Sweet is the perfect work to describe you. I loved the way you would smile at all the girls and bat your long eyelashes. Your life was not easy, it was full of big people in strange masks and latex gloves giving you pricks and shining bright lights in your eyes. When you just wanted a womb, you got an incubator. When you wanted ears you got big bunny ears and fancy ears that your Grandma had to sew together. When you wanted food you had to work hard for it. But you did it all. I was so impressed with your mommy and daddy who became doctors and nurses and therapists and coaches for you. They had to get medical degrees for parenting! But they did it willingly and with smiles because you were so worth it. James, you always made me smile. I couldn’t help but coo over your two-toothed grin, or pictures of you in a bubble bath, or watching you open your hand. As an O.T., the last skill was an especially exciting one for me!
I heard the news this afternoon, that I wouldn’t see you, Little One, any more on this earth and my heart broke. I laid face down on the floor. (Your mommy and I had practiced this because of the Bible study we had done.) And I cried- Oh, how I cried.
I guess Jesus just couldn’t wait any longer to meet you. He saw all of us who were so privileged to hold you and sing to you and love you. Jesus decided that it was time he snuggled you and let your big blue eyes and enviously long eye lashes look up into his tear-filled eyes. For He was so happy to see you at last. I can imagine your glorified body. We longed so deeply for a perfect body for you here on earth, but it was not meant to be. Instead, it was reserved for you in Heaven and you had to go claim it.
You have left us for now, but not forever. One day your mommy and daddy will come to live with you and you can tell them that you don’t need shots or doctors or health insurance any longer. You came to the Great Physician and were perfectly healed. You will walk to your parents and give them a great big hug and tell them how much you love them. And it will be good. And we will rejoice.
All my love, Little One,
Miss Kelly
Abby & John Sweet Baby James
I feel like I knew James. Susan called me while we
were on vacation. I still can not think of any thing else. I loved your little boy, his crooked
little smile just got to me. I still have his
picture in the pumpkin on my computer(the one from our news paper) and it will stay there.I have followed your blog and prayed constantly for
all of you. I am so happy he had a play date with
my Gtand daughtrs Lydia and Isabella. My dream was to meet James, but every time we came to Florida there was always some reason it could not happen. I do know that I will meet him in Heaven some day. You & John are so strong in the Lord that you have helped me. I will continue to pray for both of you. Stay strong in the Lord.
Love Marilyn
I am surprised and happy to see how many people have stumbled upon this blog by “accident” from other sources. Thank you John and Abby for updating so often and letting us into your world.
I will miss you, James, even though we never met. I have enjoyed and appreciated watching your growth and struggles, and you have shown me how God can work in a person and in a family to show that life is a gift. Be happy with Jesus!
John & Abby, my prayers are with you. I am so sorry for your loss.
John and Abby,
My favorite thing about James was his precious smile. I logged on often just to see if there were new pics of that precious smile. The amazing thing to me was that he could produce those kinds of smiles in the midst of the pain and discomfort that were a part of his life.
Your journey has taught me much about how God leads, equips, loves, and holds us in his hands. My prayer for you during these coming days is that you will constantly be aware of his loving care. Please know that your son did huge kingdom work this side of heaven. It will be a joy to meet him some day there.
Wish I could hug you both. My prayers and my tears are with you.
Joyce
I found your blog today and read the entire thing in one sitting. What a precious baby boy! I laughed at some of the posts and cried at others. James was quite a fighter. I am so very sorry for your loss, but in all things God is wise. We don’t always know what his purpose is but we just have to trust. You had James for a precious 482 days and now he is pain free. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.
Karen in IN
i just found your site today. You have a wonderful strength and faith i can only hope to have. James is an adorable little boy and i am saddened to meet and say goodbye to James in the same day. Hugs to both of you.
I am so sorry for the loss of precious James but want you to know what a witness that you both are to others. Your faith is so strong and evident. God has a plan for you. Because of James, many others know the love of Christ that you have shared. May God continue to comfort you in the days ahead. I pray for blessings in your life.
I came across this website quite by chance and have looked through the trials that James faced during his short life. It has and will continue to pull at my heart. Your entire family is an inspiration and the love is vividly shown in all the pics, vids and especially his smile (I will forever think of him laughing as he gazed up at Mom). Every time I feel Life isn’t going the way I like, someone like James comes along to show me otherwise – how he and his family are so strong under such experiences. I have always believed God has a purpose for everyone – although we might not always realize what it is. When I learned the news today, I was not only saddened but angered that God could do such a thing after he fought so hard and had such a wonderful family. I once again see through the comments, how may lives he deeply touched in such a short span – it’s all in Gods plan. I am reminded of part of the lyrics to a Don McLean song that fit how I feel about James – “this world was never meant for someone as beautiful as you”. May God watch over your Family – May James fell no more pain and laugh and play till you meet again. We will all miss you.
My sincerest condolences on the loss of both James and Dora. As a mother of 3 I can not imagine losing one child much less two in the span of a few weeks. My heart breaks for you. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless.
i found your blog through reading cake wrecks, actually–the memorial post there. i’ve read the whole thing, and i just want to say that i’m sorry for your losses, and amazed by the strength you’ve shown. and you’ve touched me in ways i couldn’t even begin to tell you.
Like others I found your blog through CakeWrecks. I read your whole blog over the past few days. I just want to know that I have been there too. My husband and I lost our daughter Sara on April 1st 2006. We knew Sara was not going to make it, so we named her “God’s Princess”, because we knew He would be the one taking care of her. I like to imagine she is healthy and playing with other children in God’s Garden. Maybe she, James and Dora will all play together. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I also found your blog through cakewrecks. I read through the whole thing in one morning while my kids were at school and didn’t get anything else done that day. I wanted to comment but didn’t feel I had anything to offer. The feeling wouldn’t go away so here I am. I am so sad for your family and what you’ve had to endure with losing both of your precious babies but you were so blessed in the time that you had with sweet baby James. What a beautiful boy, you can see his sweet spirit in his pictures and video. If I knew you in real life I would hug you and bring you dinner and cry with you for your loss but since I don’t all I can offer are the thoughts and prayers I have on your behalf.
With tears streaming, I ask the Holy Spirit to offer prayers to our Heanvenly Father on your behalf. I don’t have any words that seem sufficient. Our hearts are aching with and for your family. You were on my mind this week while we were traveling, and I am shocked and deeply saddened to discover this is why. Your son has been an inspiration. At times when I have grumbled about insignificant life circumstances, the Lord has brought to mind a precious, persistent, striving, against-the-odds, joy-filled little boy named James… and a right perspective has been restored. That’s an amazing ministry from a child whose actions spoke much louder than any words could. I look forward to the day when I meet him and see his beautiful face!
Our prayers will be with you as our hearts bear some of this burden with you.
Much love, Susan and Jon
Sweet Baby James’ smile from last Sunday is still frozen in my mind. It is my last and sweetest memory of him, smiling at me while his mommy held him close.
I don’t have many words to really offer. My heart breaks with you and I am on my knees for your family.
James was such a beautiful testimony and blessing. And your family, a faithful witness. I will never get over how easily his face would blossom into the most joyful, innocent, wonderful smile, his big blue eyes gazing in wonder at the world. In the short time God allowed him to be with you, he was a tremendous gift to us. I love you all.
Dear, dear John and Abby,
What to say…I’ve sat here several times with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I remember my first time meeting James when he was a few days old at Winnie Palmer. It was the first time Abby got to hold him. I felt like I was witnessing a sacred moment and shouldn’t be there, but hey, who would have taken the photos?
The doctors had said that he couldn’t hear but I knew that day that he could when Abby spoke and he tried to turn his head. He recognized the voice of someone who loved him dearly. I always looked forward to my Sunday smile from him and a butterfly kiss with those long eyelashes and those expressive eyes–just soaking up and welcoming all the love around him, and there was/is lots of it. How like we need to be when our masks come off and we are who we are. I could write a parable of all my thoughts of James and what he has taught us about family, about commitment and love. I will miss him, too, and pray that God will be merciful in your extreme grief during this season of life. Marcia D. is the only other mom at church that I know whose son passed away that I know of (age 7, I believe), so maybe she would be good to talk with at this time. Today, preparing all the prelude music for the memorial service tomorrow gave me some comfort and I pray that it does for you, too. I will play my best for you and for James. I am here to help or sit or talk or cry with you. I love you both very much.
Tonya
I just came across your blog via Cakewrecks. I’m so sorry for your loss. Exactly one month ago, our very special son passed away after 8 years of severe disability. It’s harder than anyone can imagine but we will persevere. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk to someone who really does understand.
I cried and cried when I read your blog update. My heart breaks with you, but I am so glad James is with Jesus. I am so thankful he had this time with you, the perfect mom and dad that God ordained for his life. We are praying for you, that our God of all comfort will comfort you and heal your broken hearts. God is good, all the time! I have been reading your blog for a long time – I think Renda or Alicia gave me the address – and it’s been such a joy to keep up with what God has done in your lives. (I just never post anything!) We will continue to pray for you. We love you so much!
My heart breaks. I just saw his One Year video on Youtube and tears stream down my face as I type this . Your son was a wonder and his parents were a gift from God. Thank you for loving him so intensely. He was a miracle.
I’ve been numb since I heard the news, but finally my emotions are catching up with me. As when tiny Dora went to Jesus just weeks ago, I’m fumbling for words and feel I have so pathetically little to offer…but I do have an image in my mind that I will share with you. I suppose it might be kind of cliche, but here it is. It is of James, the big brother, and Dora, the little sister, holding hands, running and jumping on a grassy slope, golden curls bathed in sunlight. Smiling—laughing…as if sharing some private joke that only siblings can understand.
I only had two opportunities to spend time with James; once in the NICU (so tiny and frail, but with a death grip on life!) and once shortly after he came home (at around 5 months of age, he still felt like a newborn in my arms). The last time I saw him was less than a year ago, but oh the strides he made in that amount of time. As I’ve followed your journey, I’ve been humbled as a parent by the way you’ve thrown yourselves into this awesome calling. Though even the best case scenarios that were painted for James included ongoing medical issues and developmental delays, you chose to believe in the possibilities for him and lovingly squeeze out every ounce of potential that was within him. This, I call Extreme Parenting.
I pray that God will grant you His extreme strength—His incomparably great power for us who believe—as you face the difficult days ahead.
I so wish we could be there with you tomorrow.
I will never forget baby James. I’ve shed so many tears while reading his blog throughout his life – tears of joy, confusion, and now sorrow. His journey has taught me so much. He was the most delightful boy. He always seemed so cheerful. His eyes were full of wonder. I adored his smile. I remember when I finally got the chance to hold him for a while a few weeks ago and I didn’t want to give him back.
John and Abby,
I remember when I first met you. I immediately sensed your strength. It was a couple months after James had been born. I had read about James and all that you had been going through. I remember being so amazed that you seemed so stable…I thought to myself about how I would not know how to function if I had been in your situation. You both have firmly held onto your faith and hope in Christ and I know you’ll continue to do so. You’ve been such an inspiration and encouragement to me and so many others. My heart breaks for you. Thank you for sharing your life and your hearts with the world.
Such amazing love…such grief and sorrow. There is nothing I can say or do to help except to let you know that here in Nebraska you have me praying for you and thanking God for you. I have just found your site through the Cake Blog, and have read it in one sitting–I wish there was something I could do to repay the strengthening of faith you have given me as I sit here. I, too, noticed James’ eyelashes, and his sweet spirit.
Rest now, weep now,laugh now. Breathe now. In this moment, as always, you are covered by the love of the King.
I was shocked to hear about James, I checked often to see how he was doing and his photos always made me smile. We’ll miss him greatly. My heart goes out to you and your family. I am so so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers, if there is anything you need let me know. – April, RN WPH
I am so sorry for your loss. James was a very special little boy and I will always remember those eyelashes!!! He was a very couragous, strong soul. You were the perfect parents for him! I always thought how lucky he was to have such dedicated and loving parents. I am so glad that you have your faith to lean on in this difficult, heart wrenching time. You did an exceptional job with James and made his short time here wonderful. I remember checking the website often and wondering when you would post again. If too many days went by, I would think, boy you must be pretty busy with him. I am sad that I have moved and was not able to see James the last time you visited the hospital. I will always remember his crooked smile and bright eyes. My thoughts are with you.
I’m so sorry for your sudden loss. I also have just found your site via Cake Wrecks & have read the blog almost end to end. May the Lord comfort you at this time & wipe away your tears, just as He has for precious little James. Big hugs for today & for all the days ahead. James has touched so many people…what a precious legacy this wee man has left behind him.
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I’ll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care…
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul…
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that’s what I’ll like when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
~ Rabindranath Tagore
God bless,
Amy (in Australia)
John and Abby,
We were both deeply saddened by the news of James when we read your blog Friday night. Both of us have have been reading about James since his birth nearly every week.
Over this time your faith and ability to capture God’s handiwork in the midst of challenging and often confusing times was a tremendous source of life and encouragement.
We loved James, adored his beautiful pictures, and rejoiced in every step forward he and your family took together. He will be greatly missed and we thank you for being so brave to share your story. We have been changed through the journey.
With much love and prayer,
Robert and Alicia
I saw a link to your site from Cake Wrecks.
James is a beautiful baby with the most amazing and contagious smile. I am sure he is now smiling down at both of you from Heaven.
I don’t know you, but my heart goes out to all of you. My eyes are filled with tears as I write this. I am touched by his story and wish that I had been graced with knowing him.
God bless all of you!
Michelle (in California)
I’m very, very sorry for your loss. From what you have written, James was a sweet little boy. I wish you love and strength, and my thoughts are with you on these difficult days you are going through.
Even though I just found your blog today, I wanted to tell you it has touched me and brought a tear to my eye. God bless you and your families for your faith and love.
Thank you for sharing your story and your wondrous, beautiful baby boy with the world. God truly knew what He was doing when he chose you as the parents of this little angel. Thank you for showing me what grace and love mean.
I am so very sorry for you loss. I found your blog today through cake wrecks and I just wanted to express my sincere apologies. James was so cute and adorable and I know you have shown him much love. I wish I could have known such a sweet child. please take care and gain strength from each other.
Like many, I came here from cakewrecks. Baby James’s story touched me. I haven’t had a chance to read the whole thing yet but I will. He and his little sister are both looking down on you right now — I know this. Take care of yourselves.
I stumbled upon this blog about three days ago and read each post, enraptured with your little boy. He was beautiful and now he is with his Savior, like you said. I am so terribly sorry for your loss, and I will be praying for you and your family.
I was reading about sweet James on Cake Wrecks and have been reading about his precious 482 days. What a blessing he was! I am amazed by you both, Abby and John. While we don’t always understand God’s plan, you have both remained strong in your faith, and that is inspiring! Your blogs made me think of the Natalie Grant song, “Held”. The chorus says it best…
“This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.”
I will keep your family in my prayers as you get through this most difficult time. God bless you!
i found your blog through cakewrecks.
thank you so much for sharing your pain, love and faith. i have a son with autism…sometimes my days are depressing and sad and hard…and then my Heavenly Father reminds me of how much this little unique boy has taught me…about genuine love and excitement, about originality and curiousity, about patience and trust, about grace…i am so thankful for my son–just the way he is. thank you for helping me to be mindful of that today.
you are in my prayers…jer 29:11
I’ve just now come across your blog through Cake Wrecks..and tonight was the first time I found that site. Saying that I am so sorry for your losses doesn’t feel adequate. Thank you for sharing the story of your little guy with the world. Your sweet baby James may not have been able to actually tell his mommy and daddy that he loved them, but I could see it in his eyes. Hold on tight to your faith.
James,
I also found your blog from Cake Wrecks. You were a beautiful child and wish that I could have known you.
John & Abby,
My husband doesn’t understand why I weep for strangers. Why I’m sitting here, reading about you and amazing son and your tiny daughter and crying.
I’m crying because of the pain that you all have gone through, and that I have been touched by your lives. I am crying because I am so lucky to have a healthy, wonderful family and i wish you both were as lucky as me.
Thank you for putting your life and your pain out there for others to learn from. You will always be in my thoughts.
Melissa
I pray that you will find peace in the times to come. I am so sorry for your loss but as you wrote, James is free of all his problems and will be well taken care of until you meet again.
Erica
(I was directed here by cakewreacks).
I found your blog through Cake Wrecks and spent this evening getting to know James. The world is a better place for his short time here. The love in James’s eyes and in his smile took my breath away. Thank you for sharing his story.
Another cakewrecks reader here. James is a beautiful boy, and I know you were blessed to have him in your life. I am so sorry that time has ended for you. His sweet smile is something that will stay with me and I know that it will stay with you a hundredfold.
God’s peace,
Ivy
Dear John and Abby,
God is on His throne. I am grieving with you. Since we lost our 5 year old son many years ago, while I was 7 months along expecting our 3rd son, Scott. It has not been an easy road, but God has been with us every step of the way and He will be with you each and every day, holding you in his loving grip.
Though we suffer through adversity and many trials, we know it will perfect us and grow us the way God sees fit for our only good.
I found out today that we have a mutual friend, Roz Harrold! I was her daughter’s special olympics tennis coach for several years. Roz was truly amazed at your strength as you both cared for little James and even today at the memorial service.
Sweet baby James has touched us all and I was always uplifted every time I was in his presence with his infectious smile and big sweet eyes that just dripped with love! There is an empty spot in my heart now that James has said goodbye and gone to be with his heavenly Father. I know for you the hurt is so deep and intense and your arms ache to hold him, but as you know, James is in the better place now.
I want to help you in any way that I can. Please call me if you need to talk, cry or whatever you heart feels like expressing. I am here for you. I really know your pain.
Frosty and I love you so much, you are very special and beloved.
We are praying.
To God be the glory,
Marcia
I stumbled upon this sweet story from Cake Wrecks and have spent the last 1 1/2 hours reading. Thank you for sharing your sweet story with me. James is beautiful. What struck me the most about him is his beautiful eyes. I know that one day you will be reunited with your sweet children and have the opportunity to raise them. I know that because of our Savior, Jesus Christ, they will have perfect bodies free of pain and sickness. For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son. That whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.-John 3:16- I pray that the Lord will bless you with peace and comfort during this time of loss.
Dear Abbey and John,
Sweet Baby James has touched the hearts and lives of more people than you can ever imagine. He has made his impact with his awesome courage and joy for life.
Baby James’ maternal grandmother, Lamons, is a very dear church circle friend of mine…my sister in Christ.
Even before Baby James was born, Lamons shared your joy of anticipation with us. Then, when James was born with so so many health complications, we grieved with you and began our daily prayer for Sweet Baby James and your entire family.
We have followed your blog with earnest interest, caring, and love. We feel blessed that we could be a part…be it on the sidelines…of your incredible journey with Baby James. Our Lord chose you very carefully to be his parents as He did when he chose your own parents who would become the devoted, totally supportive, and loving grandparents to Baby James.
Abbey and John, thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your…Baby James’…overwhelming struggles as well as overwhelming victories with us. Our faith has become much stronger…as is obvious that yours has…through this tremendous challenge…lasting as it did for 482 days.
Your love for our Lord and your trust in Him has come across loud and clear in every entry in SweetBabyJames’ blog. Your Bible references have struck cords in our hearts and have caused us to go running to our own Bibles to seek more understanding from His Word.
The pictures you posted of SweetBabyJames were icing on the cake of his beautiful and purpose-driven life.
Abbey and John, we mourn with you the passing of your precious child from your loving arms in this short, temporary life; but we rejoice with you his passing for eternity into the Loving Arms of our Heavenly Father where one day you will live together again without pain or suffering but evermore in peace and joy.
Love in His Bond,
Edie Maloy
Tallhassee, FL
I found your blog just today and I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you as you continue to miss your sweet boy.
John and Abby,
I have been crying my eyes out all day. I am so very sorry, I know words say nothing but I feel so deeply for your loss. I have been crying and praying for you both, I don’t have words to express how sorry I feel that this happened to sweet baby James.
I have been reading about him and cheering for him since he was born and it feels like having lost someone deeply close to me.
James’ was always an inspiration to us and I was always so impressed with how well he was doing.
I am happy he is free from all his limitations and is now with Jesus. I will pray for both of you every day and send love and support so you can get through this impossible time.
I really can’t tell you how saddened I am that James passed away, I was looking forward to Nathan and James growing up together. I will miss him so much even though I never knew him in person.
In such a short time he touched so many lives, you must be so proud.
With love and blessings,
Marcela, mom to Nathan
http://www.prayfornathan.org
Found your site from Cake Wrecks and read the entire site in one sitting, and one box of Kleenex. Though I knew the ending before I began, I still experienced the joys of each little triumph.
You are amazing people and I am so sorry for your loss.
“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” Winnie the Pooh
“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.” Eskimo legend
May the wonderful memories of James’ life fill your heart and help lead you through life. You were wonderful parents and helped James Live Life. God Bless You.
What a beautiful little man. As a mother of a disabled child my heart breaks for you. I am so happy that you were the family God chose for James.
When I think of the things children miss when they die young I am sad, but then I remember they are with God and I picture them gathered at Jesus knee. Oh, the bedtime stories must be great.
I do not know your pain and noone really can, but I send you my thoughts and prayers and I wish you strength and love.
Abby & Family,
My prayers and thoughts are with you right now. I am so very sorry for your loss. I know it is hard to put into words your pain but the joy in your words on this website have been inspiring. I enjoyed reading all your memories and times you shared with James. God Bless you all.
Pamela, Harley’s mom
Abby and John,
I stumbled upon this site several months ago when John posted on the NCSSM alumni board. I read the entire blog in one sitting and fell completely in love with little James. What a beautiful child. His strength through adversity has really had an impact on my life as a mother. He was truly blessed to have such wonderful, Christian parents. Your love for God fills this website and I can’t think of a better environment for James to have grown in. He’s with Jesus now, a guardian angel with beautiful curls and eyelashes galore!
My heart is broken for you. I can’t imagine what you two are going through, but I pray that you find comfort in this time of sorrow.
Thank you so much for sharing James’ story. My life has certainly been touched by him. God bless you and your family.
Love,
Amy Watson
Durham, North Carolina
[...] in His children’s lives. To get to know James a little better, grab a box of tissues and read this post from his website and the two-hundred-plus (and counting) comments following it. To read his story from the [...]
I stumbled upon your blog via the cake wrecks blog and I read it all in one sitting this morning.
What a beautiful boy James is and as you say he is free from pain now.
You are wonderful, loving parents.
Heather Melton
North Wales
UK
Sweet Baby James,
I never got to meet you “little man” . . . but it hurts just the same.
John and Abby,
I grieve for you, though he runs free. Grieve hard; knowing the end and the Endmaker.
At His Mercy,
Randy
Dear Abby and John
My heart is just breaking. I had not check James site since Aug 17th and figured you were all having a great summer. I loved so much to read new posts about James, he was such a sweetie. I was honored to have James wear the bib I made him for his birthday. James will suring be missed. You and your family will be in our prayers.
Summer Jesse and Family
Hartford, SD
Dear Abby, John and family,
I am so sorry for your loss, my heart is heavy for you. I found your blog through the HPE group. James was so loved and your devotion to him is clear from all your photos and postings. He had so many milestones to his credit – you must be very proud.
I do not know what it is like to lose your baby boy, but I do know how it feels to lose a baby grandson. Tyler James was about the same age as your James – Tyler died on 30th May 2008 – he was 15 mths.
I made a smilebox just after he died – it so helped me release some of my sadness, and anger, and fear and frustration, and made me swell with love and pride. Feel free to take a look.
http://smilebox.com/playBlog/4d7a67314f4449344e413d3d0d0a
My daughter Ashley also wrote Tyler this poem; your James looks like he was one of those angels too….
Angel on Loan…
One day God decided
To give the world a treat,
And blessed a little family
With a baby boy to meet.
His ten wriggly toes,
And eyes so sparkly bright
His long long eye lashes….
O my what a perfect sight.
But our little angel
So your time has come
To fly back up to heaven
Your time with us is done.
We’ll always remember the day,
You blessed us with your presence
Your gorgeous smile and twinkly eyes
Your soul and very essence.
There isn’t a single person
Who held you in their arms
Who wasn’t completely infected
With your bravery and charm.
So rest in peace our little man
Your sit up there with the stars
And as we gather to say goodbye
We know you’ve not gone far.
You are the autumn rain that falls
The warm breeze on my skin
So off you go our angel on loan
You’ve a new chapter to begin.
You are in my prayers. Fly high Baby James, Fly high.
Denise
Tyler’s Granny
I just want to share my love. I know the pain of losing your child. Hold on to every minute you had with him and remember you will always be his parents. And, never forget, Mom and Dad, to love one another.
Abby and John,
I just found your blog through cakewrecks and read every post. I am so thankful to God for showing me this site and for showing me 2 people who still trust in Him after going through so much. I appreciate your openness about your struggles with faith and trust as things didn’t go the way you hoped and prayed for. James was such a cutie, and had a beautiful smile. I cried when I read this post, and my heart goes out to you and your family. I believe that James is in Heaven with his little sister and the rest of his heavenly family looking down on the 2 of you. The verse that came to mind when I read this post was Psalm 30:5 – “..Weeping may endure for a night, but Joy Comes in The Morning.” I pray for your family, that God blesses you with that joy, and that you remain strong in your faith. I pray that you feel God’s comfort through this tragedy and remember that He will most certainly be there with you every step of the way.
Sending lots of love, and prayers your way
- Fran, Kentucky
I just read your entire blog..chronologically from day one until day 482.
Thank you so much for sharing James with me,and so many others. Thank you for blessing me with his smile.Thank you for sharing yourselves so candidly.
I am a doula who specializes in “special needs births”. (When you know your baby will need some extra care.)Thank you James for inspiring me
I wish there were words to make you feel better. I truly wish he was in your arms.I am praying for your wonderful family and typing through tears.
Thank you a million times over for your son. You gave the world a great gift.
Bless you
Whitney McBride
John & Abby
We were saddened to hear your news. James was so beautiful, especially is eyes. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Jen & Bobby Burg
I’m so sorry for your loss. James sounds like a very special little boy who touched the lives of many people during his earthly life. May God give you peace and comfort.
(I lurk at Cake Wrecks and came here via that site.)
Through my search for a good blog, I came upon cake wrecks & ultimately came upon your blog. I read about James (chronologically) from day 1 to day 482 in one night. I was so captivated by your story, and your faith that James would overcome. James touched me from day one straight though day four hundred and eighty two. This blog has moved me to tears and I will keep you in my prayers in your time of grief. I hope that you will triumph in your moment of sadness. God Bless.
I too found your site through cakewrecks. I read your amazing journey tonight. Your son was so beautiful and your love for him shows through in his smile. I am so sorry for your loss. I was not fortunate enough to meet James or know you, his amazing parents. I was brought to tears by your honesty and desire to always to seek the best for him. He was blessed each and every day he spent with you. His love will continue to bless you, love never ends.
My heart is breaking for you and I just don’t know what to say, but the one thing you can’t help but notice is in so many of the wonderful photos of James- he’s smiling in so many of them! Even in many of the newborn photos. God has special plans for him, and I think James knew it all along! Although James time here was short, he touched a lot of lives, more than many of us could ever wish to. He is a very special little boy, and you are amazing parents. I do hope that as time goes by, you will gather the strength to try again, you are too good of people with too much love not to have another little one to love.
I just stumbled upon your site and have been in tears over your loss for the past 20 minutes. Your James is such a beautiful boy! His smile is contagious. I know you cherished every moment you had with him AND he was very blessed to have you as parents.
God Bless You,
Carmen
When I read the post at Cake Wrecks, my heart went out to you. I had never even seen your blog, but it didn’t matter.
I came to read James’ story. I had to stop several times, knowing how it ended, but all of those pictures of James smiling and cuddling with family kept me going.
I can plainly see that your love and dedication made his short time of tubes, shots, and other difficulties easier. I know that, through your faith, he is waiting for you in Heaven, just as you always dreamed of him: healthy and happy.
I stumbled upon your blog via Cake Wrecks which I occasionally stop in to read.
My heart goes out to your family in this time of sadness. However, I am uplifted by your faith in Christ Jesus and his goodness. I am ashamed to admit that I am not sure my faith could stand through such a difficult test. Your family will continually be in my prayers. May God continue to be your strength, your refuge, your comfort……
Dear Abby and John, I came to your site through cake wrecks last week and like others read it in a sitting. I have struggled to write you an email. Everything I write feels canned and trite. But I am so sorry–I can’t imagine the ache in your heart and in your arms for this little boy whose specialness comes across in words and in pictures–through wide eyes and an impish grin. I have two kids, a 5 year old girl and my own sweet April 2007 baby boy. Like many others I’ve squeezed them more tightly this last week. I’ve heard you say not to think of you as heroes but when I watched your memorial speech, John, that’s exactly what I thought. And most of all in that moment when you confessed your shame about your feelings of entitlement–that you thought because of who you were and where you came from you’d have this incredibly bright kid, that other kids would be dwarfed by his greatness. Your honesty is heroic. I know that feeling. I see and hate it in myself and others–the desire to make our kids be what we need them to be, so that they reflect who we want others to think we are. I haven’t said it well enough, but I did want you to know that your family has inspired me to love my kids where they are, for who they are. I thank you for sharing your son with us and I pray for you all. love, maureen
I too came via Cake Wrecks. I looked at those adorable pictures, and the tune “Sweet Baby James” immediately sprang into mind. I’m so sorry you lost him; I’m so glad he has touched so many.
I will go hug my dear ones.
Mr. and Mrs. Gjersten,
I have been reading your blog for the past year, ever since Mrs. Gjersten left OHS to have her baby. I know that James went through more in 482 days than most people go through in a lifetime, and I don’t think he could have possibly have spent his short time on earth with more loving parents than the two of you. This post has broken my heart. You are in my prayers and I wish you stength and love.
John and Abby,
I have read about James ever since the day he was born. I was so glad that the Li family was finally able to meet him this summer. Since Ryan and I have also struggled with caring for a sick child when our daugher Katie was diagnosed with leukemia in 2005, my heart grieved with you during the daily struggles you and James had to endure over the last 16 months. Although in the world’s eyes, James might seem a burden, you knew what he truly was – a gift from God. It is easy for parents of “healthy” children to sometimes forget that. Our daughter Katie and I pray daily at bedtime for all those we know who are sick, but we always prayed especially for James. We are happy that he is truly in a better place with God, but grieve with you as you suffer the loss of his daily presence. God could have not chosen better parents than you for James. May God bring you peace as you remember James’ adorable smile.
Mary (Schatte) Impelman
I just got done reading your entries chronologically after arriving from Cake Wrecks. My heart breaks for your loss. James was a gorgeous, happy little guy with a beautiful spirit. Thank you so much for letting those of us who live far away get to know James through your words, the pictures and the videos. Through everything, your love for him shines through. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Sweet sweet Baby James. I have only known about you for two days. Even first seeing you 5 days after your death. I can’t tell you how much you have impacted my life in such a short time and I am so very sad to see that you have passed away. I know that you are now without any pain ansd that helps me to stop crying. I have a two year old, very rambunctious son, and he reminds me of how I picture you in heaven. May peace forever be with you.
Abby & Jon,,
I first heard about your blog yesterday on cakewrecks.com. I have yet to see a cake wreck from that site because I’ve been reading yours for 2 days. Trying to soak it all in. I feel like I know both of you and I am so very sorry for your loss.
Abby, I have been amazed by your meticulous record keeping, your instance on doctors that you think were right for your son and your determination to do every single thing you could for him. I know that you did just that and I hope that you are very very proud of yourself. What an amazing mother you are. I want to tell you that I will be taking some wisdom from you and using it with my own children. Your patience is something to admire and I will.
John. I can really relate to your feelings when you were not so sure James was a “gift” and wondering what God’s plan was and how he could possibly dump so much misery onto one family. I hope you find peace in reconciliation with that.
I am so very sorry for both of you, stay strong and you will see your most beautiful son soon.
With Love,
Angee Hudson
Houston, Texas
Dear Abby and John,
Royce, Doug, Beverly, and I want you to know that our hearts are heavy and sad because of James. We loved all the pictures you sent to us. His Easter picture (one of my favorites) remains on the refrigerator door. There wasn’t a day that we didn’t look at his picture and remember him, you, and John in our thoughts and prayers. We enjoyed watching him grow and develop his personality. God blessed you with a very special child, and He will continue to bless you through this experience. Please know we love you and will continue to lift you up in our prayers in the days to come.
Love,
Royce, Kim, Doug, and Beverly Warren
I am so glad I found your website. I too came from CakeWrecks. I read each and every entry and have recieved hope and love through you. I am heartbroken to hear about your beautiful son. I am so glad that you both are strong enough to realize that God is with you, and that James was just too special for this hard world. How luck he is to be with his Heavenly Father again. Thank you for sharing your story.
Abby and John -
Like so many others from the above posts, I found your blog via the Cake Wrecks blog, and read James’ entire story in one sitting.
So much of your story is familiar to me; my step-son was born with a completely different, totally rare, totally random chromosomal abnormality. A dire prognosis, multiple birth defects complicated by a host of brilliant doctors who had never encountered this rare syndrome and didn’t have a clear answer for anything. Each day from his birth was a miracle, and yet a mixed blessing… why was an innocent baby subjected to so, so, so much hardship? Every small hurdle cleared was obliterated by a giant wave of a set-back. Multiple possible diagnoses, varied theories for treatment, a solution to one problem that merely set off a string of other problems. Becoming more proficient in the medical history of your child than the doctors and nurses who needed to treat him. Endless specialists and check-ups. Hassles with the ridiculous insurance companies. Night nurses who are angels in disguise. And through it all, the wary hope that this child has beaten so many odds so far, perhaps he will far surpass all expectations, be the exception to the rule. Never completely “normal,” not a virus from which to recover, but better than those doctors thought. And then – seemingly out of nowhere – he is gone.
Garett died, quite suddenly and with no precipitating factors, when I was pregnant with my daughter (Garett’s half-sister). Garett’s mother had also remarried and had one child, and twins on the way. (don’t ask me why she’s so unreasonably fertile…I don’t mean to be insensitive to your struggles in this realm.) Every single person who knew Garett, or his family, said what you so eloquently captured in your last post… he is in a better place. He is whole, and healthy, and – dare I say it? – “Normal.” All of his earthly limitations are gone, he can run and play, laugh and talk, eat junk food and get into mischief. He has served his cruel punishment here, taught us all to be better people, and now has moved on.
While Garett’s father and I are not religious, I so admire your strength and determination, and steadfastness in your devotion to your God. Garett is one of the examples I use when I defend my lack of faith in a higher power… who could create a child who has to bear the burden that Garett carried? I’m glad for you that prayer and faith helped you in your trials, and hopefully in your recovery.
The two of you have faced so much more heartache in the last few years than anyone should have to see in a lifetime. And yet you still manage to inspire hundreds (maybe thousands) of people with your bravery, dignity and perseverance.
My sincere condolences to you and your parents. I will not ever forget your personal journey, and I will keep a good thought for you each day.
Sending you all a Texas-sized hug,
Carrie
Dallas, TX
I learned about Baby James through Mark Gregorich. He and I are members of the RV.Net online forum. Mark has shared pictures of little James with us and those pictures have brought smiles to our faces. From time to time, I have visited your site to see Baby James’ progress.
I want to tell you how sorry I am to hear of your loss but more so, I want to tell you that you have carried out your “mission and call” courageously. You heard God’s call in acceptance of the challenge of caring for this little boy. Not only did you care for him, you poured out your lives as a loving sacrifice just like our Lord did for us. Because of that sacrificial love, little James can now enjoy being in the arms of Jesus forever.
Amazingly, you have shared little James’ story with hundreds or even thousands of people through your website. You have told your story of pain, tears, fear, and hardship, but mainly yours is a story of faith, love, hope, and joy. And what joy! Little James’ smile said it all.I am reminded of a quote by Mother Teresa: “Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” That was James’ gift to all of us. He brought the presence of heaven in his smile. Thank you for sharing James’ story to the whole world. By sharing his story, you spread the love of Christ.
I pray for you and your family at this time of sorrow. May our Lord comfort you and fill you with peace, knowing that your baby is now in heaven with his beautiful smile.
I came across this website from another blog the other day, and I just read about your Journey, chronologically, from day one, for the last 3 days. I should have been working, but I couldn’t stop reading. What a beautiful boy James is. Your smiles made me smile, your tears made me cry. What a Journey you have been, both in life and in your faith. James truly was and IS a miracle, and I think we are all blessed to have James make an appearance down from Heaven for his short time here on Earth.
Abby and John-you are two of the strongest people I have ever (not in real life) known. In these past 3 days, I am truly inspired by your faith and strength, by your perserverance, and your hope. James was a lucky guy to have you two as his parents!
Please keep his spirit alive, as I’m sure you will, and I know James Journey will help many others that have similar circumstsances.
I know James is with the Lord now, and although that doesn’t make it any easier, he truly is in his Heaven-walking, talking, playing, and constanly displaying that adorable smile that lights up everyone!!(and amazing eyelashes!!)
Thank you for telling us every step of yoru Journey.
I heard your story from a co-worker of mine named Brett. It came full circle when I later realized that my sister had the joy of knowing both of you and your beautiful son, Sweet Baby James. She was a NICU nurse at WPH and could not express to me how wonderful, strong and committed you both were to the daily care of your baby boy.
Your belief in the Lord and all of His mysterious wonders will bring you through this and welcome you with open arms to see your Sweet Baby James one day.
Thank you for sharing your story and may this message find you in peace. Your family has left a lasting impression in all of hearts.
I found your site from Cake Wrecks and just finished reading your entries chronologically.
What a wonderful testimony of faith and love you have shared with us.
Sweet Baby James is experiencing something we can only wait for, the embrace of Jesus. He is fully alive, mobile, chatting up a storm with the girls I’m sure but more importantly he is with the one that loves you more than you can imagine. I can’t wait to get to Heaven myself and see the ones I love and to see James there. One day we will all experience the love of the Father in a way we can never know now.
Thank you for letting us into your life at such a personal time.
I am so sorry for your loss. But you are right, James is happy and healthy and safe now. No more pain.
Thank you for sharing your story. It made me cry and laugh and pray. James’ time on earth was truly a gift from God!
I keep coming back here. Every.single.day I come back here and just stare at this website and I can’t figure out why.
I hope that God is keeping you during this time. I also came over from the Cake Wrecks blog the day after James went home and I sat down and read the whole thing. It was HARD. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so emotionally connected to a family that I’d never met, never spoken to, never even heard of until that day. I cried and cried for you. I picked up my four month old and I wept over him. I prayed for you all. I think about your family every day. I think about sweet baby James every day.
Your faith through the trials is amazing. I don’t know that I could cling so tightly if it’d been me. Please know that you’re absolutely an inspiration!
I needed to leave a comment here – I needed to – but I really don’t feel like I have coherent thoughts for you. I just wanted you all to know that James touched yet another family. Hopefully thoughts of him will always encourage us to love and appreciate our son (and, God willing, future children) when our patience is low. God Bless.
Thank you for sharing your son and your story with us. I hope your memories of James will always be a blessing and a joy to you.
It’s hard to put into words how much of an impact your son James has had on me. I just want to thank you for sharing this with us. When I came across this blog for the first time and his first year video, I started to sob…and in the video I smiled when he smiled, and laughed when he laughed…what an amazing sweet boy, he has touched my heart forever. It is the most beautiful memoir I have ever seen. He reminded me of how precious life is. He reminded me what unconditional love is all about, and I am so thankful for that. I can see that James was surrounded by wonderful and loving parents, grandparents, family, and friends. My heart goes out to you and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
What a beautiful little boy. Such happiness in his eyes – you can see what love you had for each other. I wish you peace.
What a lucky little man to share 482 days with such wonderful parents. May James now watch as tenderly over you as you did over him and may he and Dora play happily in the Garden. Namaste shanti.
I came across your blog through the Cake Wrecks blog and just finished reading all of your posts in one day, chronologically. Once I started reading I just couldn’t stop. I know that I came across your blog today for a reason – my father’s birthday would have been today if he was alive, and finding your blog on this particular day was definitely not chance. It is wonderful to know that they are in a better place.
You are in my thoughts.
I found your blog from another one that was posted on cafemom. Please let me say that I am truly sorry for your loss as I sit here with tears rolling down my face. As a mother I cannot fathom the loss of my children. However, that being said, let me also say that I am sooo moved by your strength and faith in God. He alone knows the loss of a child like no other, so you have no greater comforter then He. James was a beautiful child and I am sure missed by heaven while he was here with you. Thank you for sharing your intimate story and allowing us to become a part of your family if even for a moment in time. Please keep hanging onto the lessons James taught you and know that God holds you all in the palm of his hand.
I came upon your website on Tuesday and in two days (when I should have been working!) read about your journey. I laughed and cried and also realized how blessed I am to have my own beautiful son who is 15 months now too. James taught me to love and live every day, to enjoy every challenge that once seemed to be too hard to handle. You are all so blessed to have known James and I feel blessed to have known him if only through this blog. Thank you for letting us all know and love James as you did. Good luck to all of you and I know you will be forever blessed.
(from Cake Wrecks) Thank you for sharing James with us. What an amazing story. May you find comfort and peace in the coming days, may your friends and family give you the support you need to grieve and grow together.
Dear John and Abby,
Your son is beautiful and you two are amazing parents. Your faith and perserverance is a true testimony to God’s work in you. I cannot imagine the depth of your grief, but I do know that God is good all of the time and that your son is an inspiration. I watched the video of him and he was laughing and he was looking at you-Abby and smiling…and those are the times when you just know that there can be joy in the desert places. Thank you for sharing your son with us and your journey. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I found your site on Aug 25, my birthday.Reading about your family was the best gift I have ever recieved. I sat and read for hours with tears streaming down my face and it has taken me a few days to type this. I am in awe of you and your incredible family. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful James with us. Your family is often in my thoughts and I feel that God picked out the perfect Mommy and Daddy for him.I wish I could have known him during his time on Earth, he had such an amazing spirit. Stay strong and loving!
S
I came across your website through Cake Wrecks, and spent two days reading your story. I don’t know you, but I feel your pain, and cried many times while reading your story. God bless you.
Like all of us on this planet, I’ve had my share of trials and losses. But I am learning from your family what real strength is. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
-Another reader who came for the Cakes and stayed for Sweet Baby James
I pray that our God, the great Comforter will give you peace that passes all understanding. You don’t know me and I have just “stumbled” across your story this evening -but I wanted to say thank you for sharing it. May the Lord sustain you and draw close to you during this time.
I am blown away by your ability to handle all this in stride with your faith. I can only hope to be marginally as strong in my own faith should something this trying cross my way. Thank you, and thanks for James, for reassuring my faith in the most unexpected way.
I just found your website today through Cake Wrecks and spent the last couple hours reading James’ entire story.
I am so sorry for your recent losses.
I had a micropreemie who was born 5 years ago. Jordan lived for 9 days. I was lucky to be his mom for those few short days.
James was a beautiful little boy. I am so glad you have so many pictures to remember him by.
Thinking of you all.
I am not sure what to write. I read your blog about your beautiful son: I learned about it on CakeWrecks. I am in tears and I am just so sorry.
Abby, John, and GPs,
My heart goes out to all of you. I have been blessed with healthy grandchildren and know they are precious. I know that James was a lot of work, but the smile on his face and the look in his eyes would mean the world to those that love him. When I lost my mom suddenly, the funeral director made me find solace in one sentence; the last breath on earth is followed by the first breath in heaven. For whatever reason I found great comfort in that, knowing there was no more suffering. My daughter-in-law is Jenn, the nurse who helped to take care of your baby at the NICU. She told me of your web site and have been reading it for the last year. She spoke of James with love. Jenn and my son were at James’ birthday party. She is a hero in my eyes because of the way she takes care of all the babies, but James was special to her. I kept baby James in my prayers since learning of him, and now, will keep his family in my prayers to help deal with such a loss. Please know that many are here to help with your sorrow.
Mary
hi John and Abby. i stumbled upon your blog through another blog site (which i forgot) and i’ve read every post of yours in one sitting. i’m from the Philippines by the way..
i’m very sorry about your loss.
i believe James is very much being taken cared of up in heaven, where he truly belongs.
he’s such an angel.. a soldier too. and now he really is an angel, guiding and loving you from up there.
i will continue to pray for his soul and for you and your family.
he has such beautiful eyes.. i couldn’t take his eyes off my head from the first time i’ve seen them a few minutes ago.
“He was not a difficult kid to love.” That is so plain to see from this website. Neither is his loving, honest, beautiful family.
I am studying to be a Special Education teacher. James, and his family, remind me why I am doing this. I am doing this because I believe that each child, each family, deserves the very best chance, the very best resources.
James, and all who love him, are tucked in my heart. Thank you for sharing the gift of your son, your struggle, your joy.
Kathleen
Woke up at 3am, unable to sleep, praying and thinking about things going on in my own life. Went to the cake wrecks website, which led me here. Just spent the past 2 hours and 45 minutes reading from the birth to the home-going of Sweet Baby James.
I am so so sorry…….
Hope does not disappoint…………
In His Love,
Kim
John & Abby,
I want you all to know that my prayers and thoughts are with you all and your family. I have shared James’ story with my prayer group and we are praying for you all. Abby, I knew it was something special about you from the moment we met. You have been such an inspiration in my life and how you have handled your recent trials and tribulations gives much volume of your faith in God. Please continue to share your testimony about “Sweet Baby James” because we go through things to not only make us stronger, but because we have to be witnesses for others. Sometimes we may not understand why things may unfold and happen the way they do, but thank God that we have a father that knows all, sees all, and is in control of all. Continue to stay encouraged and remember our help comes from the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Angel Collins
Dear Abby and John,
I was one of the charge nurses in NICU when James was there. It is very hard to see what babies who have as many problems as James did have to go through. But James always took things in stride. I was always at a distance from James because I only oversaw his care from the point of being in charge of his caregivers. I knew his diagnosis and medicines and doctors and his lab values, but the day I really met James was one day when I was in room 3 and Abby was holding James at the desk. I watched that tiny little guy, who daily endured injection after injection, turn his face to his mom and wait for her to make eye contact. Then he lit up the whole room with a sweet crooked smile just for her. Then he smiled at me! And the eyelashes……
James’capacity to give and receive love were in no way hindered by his medical problems. Sweet Baby James is so appropriate.
I only just heard today that he had passed away and I am so sorry for your loss. I called Shelly RN in room 3 as soon as I heard. She said that many of his fans, and there are many, in NICU had gotten together and shed their tears in remembering James.
I watched the videos of the service. Please let me say that James was a hero. But in my eyes you two and your parents are heroes too. Maybe your faith waivered or weakened and you questioned God, but it was never evident to those of us who read your blog. And I believe it was never evident to James. It is easy to become jaded while working in healthcare. There is often so much suffering that it is difficult to see the positive progress in the work. Witnessing the experience that you have shared with the rest of us is so heartening. Thank you and thank James. I marvel at the endurance of James and you. You and James and your faith have served as an inspiration to many of us. Abby was right. James taught us more than anyone ever taught him. Thanks for sharing James with us.
I see James and Dora Jewel together in peaceful bliss. James no longer afflicted with disabilites able to run and play and be the big brother that Dora never got to meet, telling her about the wonderful family she will someday meet.
God Bless You!
dear john and abby,
i have not read in almost a month — until this morning. oh, my heart is breaking for you. please know my thoughts are with you and i am sending you healing wishes.
lisa
fort worth, tx
I just wanted to say that I, too, came here by way of Cake Wrecks….
I read your entire blogs over a few days, pausing to take care of my own almost 9month-old son…..Your story made me laugh & cry, cheer & yell, and mostly pray for your family.
I am a L&D nurse at a high-risk hospital, and I know how many sick or infirmed babies we deliver daily, as well as early losses for no known reason. It is always heart-breaking for us to see such wonderful people be given such horrible news or worse…
I just wanted you to know that my heart is breaking right along with yours.
James is undoubtedly caring for his little sister (uninhibited) in heaven with his Heavenly Father & telling her all the wonderful stories about life with Mommy & Daddy.
He went to sleep with the thoughts & feelings of truly being loved & cared for, and those special memories of the nibbling of his feet, etc, were etched into his tiny little brain. He fell asleep happy, died without pain, and most importantly, he is eternally unencumbered by his previous limitations.
You are great parents. It takes special people to care for such a wondrous little miracle. I’ll keep all of you in my prayers….
I stumbled across this blog today. What a privelege it was to read your story, James’ Story. Your faith is amazing and I pray it continues to bring you through these trials. You are an inspiration to me even though I am not facing the challenges that you and your sweet baby did. My heart aches for you. I pray for peace for you and that you will find comfort in our Savior, Jesus Christ. I will tuck James’ story and the evidence of your faith in my heart. There are so many lessons to learn from it. What a blessing James was and how blessed was he to have you.
I just found your story today (by way of Cake Wrecks), and I was brought to tears. What a wonderful little boy with equally wonderful parents. I cannot tell you how sorry I am. You are all in my prayers, and I know that God is taking care of your beautiful boy.
I came here via Cake Wrecks and read your entire story over the past two days. My heart goes out to you and your family as you grieve for your loss. May God grant you strength through this time, and comfort you with the sure knowledge that both James and his little sister are together with Him in heaven. As others have said, James was blessed–with a wonderful family, friends, and an amazing team of doctors, nurses & other caregivers. And just as he was blessed, it is obvious that he was a blessing to all who knew him.
I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you.
I originally read about James on the Cake Wrecks blog on her post about his passing. Over the past few weeks, from beginning to end, I have read James’s story, knowing what the end would be. Now that I have reached this post, it is hard not to cry. But some of these are tears of joy. Having had James in your life was such a blessing, and he has changed you two and countless others forever. Now is the time to realize that he is in heaven, and he is watching you with a smile on his face. He knows that the impact he has made on this world is everlasting, and that because of him there are many people who now more fully appreciate the medical conditions with which he suffered and will do what they can to help others who suffer similar in life. This is the opportunity to move on and help other children in need. You have said before that maybe God did not want you to have children. In a sense, maybe this was true, maybe in fact you two are the children and James was the embodiment of your father, teaching you things you could never learn from anyone else. Some people would say that James’s story makes it hard to believe in God — but for me it is the opposite. I have struggled with my beliefs or lack thereof for years, but I know that there must be something or someone watching over us, because someone as wonderful as James could not have just come here by coincidence. I could go on and on… I feel your pain in his loss. I hope when the pain has dulled (for it may never pass completely), that you can bask in the joy that he gave you and others during his short life.
I am most inspired by little James, always smiling sweetly, and your total love for him.
I have always thought that if I have a child that has special needs or is particularly vulnerable, I would entrust his care (should anything happen to me), to my closest friend, the most compassionate, the most patient, the kindest, the person I love and respect most. A person special enough to take care of my most precious child.
I think this is the way God works too, you were chosen to take care of His most precious child. Thank you for sharing him with us too.
I wish you strength and courage. I will pray for you and for James and also I will ask James to help me in the future to overcome any challenges I may face with his courage, and for them not to turn me bitter but to smile that sweetly also in my sorrow.
Abby and John,
I am so,so sorry for your losses.
I’ve read your blog in a few days and when I saw the puzzle solved, I was ecstatic for you – and then I was weeping. I continued to read for James, while still tearing up for Dora. I knew the ending, but I did not expect it so soon.
Cling to that birth verse for James – it is so appropriate! God will use these dark times for good – indeed, He already is. Your blog is a light shining in the darkness – your faith an example us all.
I thank God that you have the sure knowlege that you will see your children again someday – together, you will all dance with Christ Jesus. I thank God that James is free from pain and suffering and can be with his Saviour and his sister.
You are amazing parents – you were chosen by God for James, and He chose well. I have been inspired by you both.
You will continue to be in my prayers as you walk through this time of mourning. I pray that God will anoint you with the oil of joy to replace your mourning, a garment of praise to replace your spirit of heaviness.
Weeping with you in British Columbia, Canada,
In Christ,
Adina
I watched the beautiful video’s and montage of his life, and he seemed like such a happy boy. I have no words for the pain I can only imagine. May he rest with Jesus.
I just stumbled across your blog while on a parenting website. Your story is inspiring and beautiful. So sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine the pain, but your faith in God is truly inspirational. I wish you and your family the best.
I too came here via cakewrecks, and was surprised to recognize John’s name as someone I went to college with. When I saw pictures, I knew it was the same guy! You may not remember me, but, I worked in the football department with Xiao. So, not only am I devastated to read about your son’s passing, but I am saddened to hear about Xiao’s cancer.
Your blog is a wonderful tribute to your son. He was a beautiful child with an incredible smile. And he has touched so many people through your blog. Your strength and faith are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing.
My sister, Dana, had told me about your blog several months ago and upon reading all your entries from start to finish, I had to wash my face from all the tears – tears of joy for your faith in our Lord; tears from the guilt of ever uttering any complaints for the “little” problems I have encountered in parenting my son. You both are amazing people and to say your strength and love is inspirational is an understatement. I am very sorry for your loss but very happy that James had such wonderful beautiful people for parents while he was with us. You’re in my prayers and I wish you and your family the very best.
God Bless,
Stephanie
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss… He looks like such a sweet child. No words can convey how sorry I am…
I also came upon your site through cake wrecks.
Having lost a brother to several chronic illnesses when I was 8, I can understand the pain you must still be feeling. I too, felt betrayed. Wasn’t he supposed to be getting better?
James’ life, although short and full of hospitals, was full of light and colors, sound and most importantly, love.
May this blog always remind you what a precious little boy he was, and how much you adored him through good times and bad.
And may his cheeky smile be foremost in your memory, and your god guide you through the darker times.
The pain will pass eventually, just has his pain has now ceased. He is safe in the arms of god.
Thank you for sharing James’ story.
Thinking of your family, I wish you all the best.
Amy
Abby and John,
I’m another one who came to James’s story after his time with you on earth had ended. I’ve spent the whole day reading, tears in my eyes often, but laughing too, hoping for good times and joy for your little boy even though I knew James was gone when I started. Your honest, brave, eloquent sharing of his life is so incredibly generous. He was, he is, a gift to you, and to everyone who knew him – and to me, and hundreds of others like me, who never got to meet him in person.
I hope that you are truly comforted by your faith, and God holds you in his arms and gives you peace when your grief is inconsolable.
Thank you, bless you, for sharing James and his journey.
Chris Cummings
John and Abby,
We have only just now learned of your news. You married a week before we did, and our lives have taken such different paths. Thank you for writing so honestly about the challenges of caring for James; many times we were convicted about our wrong attitudes toward our own children after we read your posts. We grieve with you, we pray for you, and we look forward to the day that we can introduce our childen to you and meet your children in Heaven.
Love in Christ,
Susan and Harold Brown
I am so sorry to hear of Sweet Baby James’ passing. I was shocked when I found out today. I had found out about this blog a few months ago when you were looking for a particular kit to scrap a birthday invitation with. I read then and marveled in your family and your son. He is so beautiful and special. May your hearts find peace, and may James have all the best that Heaven has to offer until you see him again some day. ~Melinda
Dear Abby and John,
I just found your blog tonight and I’m overwhelmed by your story. Your faith in God is refreshing and I know that the God I know will sustain you. My prayers go out to you and your parents. You seem like simply lovely people and James was lucky to be born to you. I hope life gets a little easier for you and these trials are over.
-Megan
I stumbled across your blog today and wanted to express my sincere and deepest condolences to your family. James was so lucky to be so extremely loved while here on earth and I know in my heart that he is an angel with God now.
I knew about this when I started reading your blog (I found it through Cake Wrecks), but I still cried after reading the whole thing. I feel like I got to know James. I’m so, so sorry.
I only just found your blog tonight and I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little boy. It hardly seems like enough to say, but there are no other words… I am so, so sorry.
Bless you sweet baby James. I know you don’t need my blessings, because you’re in God’s light and blessings now, but bless you for the struggle you fought while you were here. You were an inspiration, and a beautiful boy. Thank you for giving me perspective and reminding me what is important.
Thank you guys for keeping this blog. Know that you will be together again, and when you meet again, you will all be without pain, or want, or worry. Keep strong, but know that it’s okay to cry.
You’re in our hearts,
~Eryn
I only just found your site (via Cake Wrecks) and your story, James’s has touched me proufoundly. Thank you for sharing it and I hope that you continue to find God’s gifts of love, joy and peace in your lives.
Hi John & Abby,
I found your link via facebook and had no idea the many challenges you both have been facing. Reading through your blog, I can’t imagine a stronger couple and am overwhelmingly touched by your sharing your significant struggles. I can’t help but think James made it to your famiy b/c he knew what a loving home you would provide for him. Thank you for sharing and God Bless.
Sharon
I am so very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful boy James was.
My heart goes out to you, but what a wonderful life you gave him, what love, what care.
You are so special, I admire your strength and courage in facing the loss of both your babies.
May you continue to find hope and strength.
I am overwhelmed with admiration and I am so touched by your story.
God bless you all.
I just found your blog today and read it in one sitting. James was such a beautiful little boy; his amazing soul shone through his eyes (framed by those gorgeous lashes). The love he had for you and you for him was apparent in every photograph you posted, your boundless affection was written in every word.
I am deeply touched by your story. Your strength and courage are awe-inspiring.
And I am so, so very sorry for your loss.
I just read thru the entire blog in one setting. What a beautiful smile he had.I am so sorry for your loss, but very glad that wonderful little boy graced your lives in the short time he was here. Blessings.
I just came across your blog a couple days ago and have read from the beginning of sweet baby James’s life! What a sweet, beautiful boy he was. It is apparent that he was very much loved and cared for, and you are a true inspiration to me. I’m so sorry for your loss. Many blessings to you and your family.
I, like many others, found this site from the cakewrecks site. I read through the blogs and found myself crying when I came to this one. I have spent so many years questioning my faith and God. Yet, I feel ashamed at this time for doing so. Here where two people, who by rights, could have questioned all. But you didnt. You kept your faith through everything. You saw the blessings you had recieved. Sweet James, what a smile! What a shining light!! What blessing from God above. Reading through all these posts, makes me realize how truly mysterious are the ways of God. How many lives have indelibly changed from simply being allowed a peek intro this tremendous soul’s life? I will tell you this, mine has been. And I am sure I am not the only one. Everybody has a light that shines, but his light was a beacon that cuts through the darkness. And no wonder, since he had parents who are beacons themselves. Thank you for taking time away from yourself and your family to share all this. Thank you for touching my life, and allowing your sweet James to touch me as well.
May God continue to bless you. Thank you for renewing my Faith in GOD and people as well.
Amy
=`( i am so sorry for you.James was so sweet and has touched many lives. i heard about you and your family through cake wrecks, and i am very sorry for your loss.
What a beautiful, sweet baby boy! James reminds me of my son in many ways. I think his good, happy nature is evidence of the love and care he received from you, his parents, and his extended family. I admire your strength and your faith through this difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Ohhhh, I am just now finding your blog and I have been reading it in order…I am absolutely SHOCKED and feeling your pain. I am so very sorry for your loss. My preemie was born at 33 weeks, weighed 5lbs and 4ounces. He spent 15 of the longest days of our lives in the NICU. I can NOT even begin to imagine what you experienced. I am just so very sorry. Thank you for sharing your blog with the world.
God Bless you!
Karie
Thank you for sharing James with me. I found your blog a few weeks ago and have been going through it chronologically. James was a beautiful boy here on Earth and I know how much he is being treasured in Heaven! Thank you so much for taking the time out of your lives to share James with me. I will never forget him nor your courage and devotion to him. I will still enjoy coming back and looking at all of his sweet pictures, his sweet smile brightens my day. God Bless you!!!
I found your blog via the CakeWrecks blog, of all places, and I’ve spent the last four hours catching up on James’ life. He is a beautiful little boy – I will not ever forget that adorably lopsided smile, the soft honey-colored curls, and those charmingly alert eyes. He always looks in his photos as though he is just about to say, “hi there! I’m James! Howya doin’?”
What will also stay with me is seeing the graceful faith that your family has displayed in this blog. As a formerly devout person who has struggled with my faith in recent years, the frank, honest way in which you discussed your frustrations – and yet still found comfort in your faith and in scriptures – well, that’s something I aspire to. What I mean is, it means a lot to me just to see that it is possible, even when facing enormous grief and pain.
I am so, so sorry for your losses. You are in my thoughts and in my prayers- I will especially pray for joyful events to soon occur in your lives.
I too found your site through cakewrecks which I got to through 2 other sites. I have read your chronological story in 2 sittings over 2 late nights. I am so sorry for your losses. I admire your faith, your fortitude, your honesty and willingness to share your story with the world. Thank you for your example. You are truly living Christlike lives. I pray that you will be blessed with continued strength, wisdom and peace. God bless you.
I cannot find the words to express how deeply sorry I am for your loss…
I read your entire story in one sitting and I was captivated by James’ smile and bright eyes. His story will be remembered by many, and I really appreciate and am taking to heart the insight and perspective you have on God’s blessings.
Thank you for sharing the story. God bless…
James, you inspire me. I wish you were still around so I could hug you. You’ll understand why in a minute. For now, that’s okay… whenever I get to Heaven, I’ll get to hug you then.
You see, James, we could be siblings. Not biologically, of course. But through tragedy alone while still smiling and loving. When I was born, I was a very sickly baby. I’ll list it all. Its not as long as yours, dear James, but I’ll type it.
German Measles [rubella]
Celiac Disease [scaling and lesions included]
Mental Retardation
Slow Growth
Heart Insufficiency and Circulatory issues
Empathic [not exactly a problem, is it?]
Sensitive in so many ways that it was difficult
Schooling Difficulty from the mental retardation
later Deafened
later Blinded
Lactose-intolerant
Protein-intolerant [not just Celiac]
May never be independent
Medical Science too limited to help me
I could ramble on about so much that I have endured, but you don’t need comfort from me. You have that from Jesus. Your parents need the comfort more. But I’ll still enjoy writing you this e-letter. I may be a shy deafblind that’s got the mind of a child and the body of an adult, but we have both braved and trooped through various things. You lived to be nearly 2 years old, I have lived past the doctors’ repeated predictions of how long I’d live for. They said I wouldn’t make it after birth. I did. until I was 20. I did. They said I wouldn’t make it until I was 25. I did. No more predictions after that, for I will be 30 this coming February. Let’s give a happy hooray for our triumphs, and say thanks to Jesus!
Abby and John G., thank you so much for posting about your son James’ life. It makes a difference in my own life. The video was wonderful too, as I stated before. I now know his headband is his bone-conduction aids. Its the first time I’ve seen bone-conduction aids. They look really nice despite their boxyness. The first tune in the video sounds like an appropriate anthem for James. Is it your creation, or is there a title and artist so I can find it?
You both are really wonderful parents. My own parents didn’t want me. I was pawned off on my grandmother, who also didn’t want me. They grudgingly took care of me instead of adopting me out into a loving Christian home. When I was an adult, I had to move out to be cared for by a man whose kindness made me bond to him, but he has tired of me. Later this year, I will be staying with a different man. I have no insurance, no income, but I have the stable love of Jesus and the stability of online friends on the internet and messengers. Its hard to live day to day, knowing little to nobody cares about you nor cares for you.
The way you two have loved James makes me envious, but its not mean-spirited. He’s lucky to have been loved. Its something I could only wish for. I’m sure to find that in Heaven.
Um, today I somehow found my way onto the Cake Wreck website and I was laughing my way through it from the beginning. Then I got to the post about James, and for the past 6 hours or so, I have been reading all about Sweet Baby James.
I’ve cried and giggled, then sobbed when I read about the loss of your daughter, Dora. You see, I knew coming in that James only lived 482 days, so I was prepared for him to die…or so I thought as I kept reading because I was entranced by the writing of the both of you, and the grandparents.
I certainly never expected to spend almost all of one of my days here on earth reading about your son, but I did, and I’m so glad that I did. My laundry, dishes, etc could wait. I needed to know about James! I especially cried at the photo of John and Nathan, thinking that it will never be John and James.
Today I will kiss both my son and daughter and hug them tighter than ever before, even though they are 17 and 12. I promise you that James 482 days on earth had a purpose.
He is happy and safe and free of pain; able to walk and talk and be with his little sister.
My heart aches for the two of you though. I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you.
Wow, I was just reading the comment above where I am writing now and it is eerily familiar. While searching cakes on the internet I stumbled upon Cake Wrecks and was perusing the site… when I came upon the post about Baby James.
I started from the beginning and for about 5 hours I’ve been reading…
I cried so much while reading this! Especially at your loss of Dora. I can’t pretend like I know what it’s like to lose a child, I am only 20. But I do know what it’s like to lose someone very close to you.
I lost my nephew, my brother’s son, when he was only 10 weeks old and for the last half of his life, I was the one taking care of him, so it hit me especially hard.
He died in a car fire, while my brother was in Iraq (US Army), but the doctors say that luckily the smoke inhalation took him before the actual fire could…
I admire your strength and courage! I’ve never felt comfortable talking with anyone about my nephew, JC, but I wanted to share with YOU because you have shared so, so much with all of us.
Take care, John and Abby, I hope this finds you with love.
Add me as another who found yourselves and James through the Cake Wreck site.
I’ve read his whole story – I haven’t missed a word, a picture, or a video. I know neither yourselves nor James but when I read the first paragraph of this post I gasped, got up, and went outside.
God bless you both. Bless also your family, extended family, and amazing friends. Most of all, bless James.
You will all be in my mind for a long time – your Son has touch yet another stranger today.
Abby and John,
I am another person who found you and the short but sweet life of James via Cake Wrecks. I have spent hours today reading these pages (as well as your trials with infertility): cheering James’ triumphs and tearing up at his set backs. I’ve probably been crying for fifteen minutes now at this one post. I weep, not only for the loss of such an innocent loving soul, but also for the joy that he is now complete and whole, and no longer is bound by his earthly limitations.
I shall keep you all in my thoughts. Thank you for opening your hearts and your lives to the world so that we may learn to be appreciative of our blessings and humble in the face of our trials.
Thank you for sharing his story. I came here by way of CakeWrecks (as will/have many more, I’m sure).
His life has such meaning and I’m thankful that he had you and that you’ve had him. I’m praying for you today and in days to come. This journey will help many — many you may never even hear from. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for struggling with the hard questions, the theodicies of life, and I’m thankful that your faith sustains you.
I also stumbled upon this blog from CakeWrecks, and by far, this is the most touching and inspirational blog I have ever read. I cannot even imagine what you must be going through, yet you have the strength to share your story.
God bless. You will always be in my thoughts and prayers.
I too stumbled across this site via CakeWrecks.
Thank you so much for sharing your life with James.
Your story fills me with love, hope, and the enduring goodness of the human spirit.
In the end, love is all, and thanks so much again for allowing me to share the journey with you.
Namaste
Hi,
I’ve only just read this blog. What a gorgeous boy he was. I’m really moved by your journey and his.
The thing that touches me the most is the smiling, in almost every photo both of you and James are smiling. Despite all the adversities and struggles life can bring, you appreciated what you had and you gave James a beautiful and loving insight into life.
I’m only young, 19, but I hope that I can face life with the same courage and love and dedication that you both have.
I’m reading your story a little late so I apologize for the belated condolences. Reading over your blog had me in tears this morning. You are wonderful parents and your child was, and always will be, a beautiful gift. I like to think of him in Heaven with Dora, where they will happily greet you when the time is right. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Much love.
I found you and your family’s story through the jovial hilarity that is cake wrecks. So to find something so moving through something so trivial feels very odd. But I am so glad to have found out about you all. To read it has been very sad but exceptionally uplifting. I live in York UK. I will go this week and light some candles in York Minster for you all. It will give me great joy to do that. You are both so inspiring. God bless.
I cannot imagine how difficult this has been for you and John. James’s story has touched me in a way that is very difficult to describe. Your persistent, never-ending love for God, despite all of your hardships, has inspired me. God has called me to be a pastor, and I know that James’s story will help strengthen my faith. Perhaps one day, your words will help me comfort another grieving family.
Thank you so much for creating this blog. May the Lord be with you in all that you do.
I also found your blog today via Cake Wrecks. I spent nearly all day reading every word of your blog. I am moved for your family beyond words, and the tears haven’t stopped all day.
Even though I don’t know you, and even though I never met James, and even though his time here was so short.. I will never forget him. I am happy for the joy of his life, for his resilience and the spirit in those wide, beautiful, expressive eyes. Thank you for sharing his life.
There are no adequate words. God bless you all. You will always be in my prayers.
Hello. I found your blog via Cake Wrecks. I’ve not read the whole thing but enough to fall in love with your beautiful boy and to cry a few tears. My nephew passed as suddenly as James after a medically fragile life. I loved him very much. Perhaps they are playing together now.
I came across this on cakewrecks. My heart goes out to you. What a wonderful gift to be able to spend 16 months with an angel. I wish your family all the best.
I also just recently found your blog through someone Cake Wrecks. I went through and read every entry.
Your family’s strength and perseverance is truly inspirational. I’m sorry James had to leave this world, but he did so much good in the time that he was here, thank you for sharing your family.
I read this blog today, from first post to last. I cried with you, laughed with you and felt excited at James’s every milestone and was saddened by his setbacks.
I learned a lot about life, the lord and the enduring human spirit from this blog. I am thankful for James’s short time on this planet, and all that he has taught not only me, but everyone who met him. I can only imagine what he must have done for the lives he touched in person, I know I am changed from merely reading his blog.
It is a shame he had to leave so soon. He did great things for this world in such a short time. I hope his legacy continues to live on. I am thankful for everything you have done as a family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. James was extraordinarily lucky to be able to spend his short time on Earth with such a wonderful, loving family.
I also started reading this blog after being directed here from Cake Wrecks.
I begin working towards my master’s degree in occupational therapy in the fall, and while I knew this would be a sad story, I wanted to read to learn more about the medical side of things, and the role of occupational therapy. I have done some limited learning about neural tube defects, including holoprosencephaly, and was looking forward to learning more about how it affects individuals from a more personal standpoint.
What I learned here wasn’t about OT, or medicine. It was about love, and miracles, faith, and the incredible power of emotion that people are capable of feeling toward one another. I am crying my eyes out over the loss of a special little boy who I didn’t even know about until after he left this earth.
I am touched by your strength and perseverance and hope that if I were faced with the same situation, that I would be able to face it with the strength of character and strength of faith shown by you. You both faced incredible challenges and met them with an incredible amount of love and patience and strength. The love that you showed Baby James in his short time on earth is an incredible gift, and it is one that has touched us all.
Thank you so much for sharing his story with us, and bless you both.
I stumbled upon your blog this evening via the Cake Wreck blog, and was truly touched by James’ story. What an incredibly beautiful boy – and so blessed to have loving parents. It seems as though he is still influencing people for good through your blog. Thank you for sharing his story.
Sending love, prayers and thoughts your way from Arizona.
“The Lord spoke his word to me, “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart for my holy purpose.” – Jeremiah 1:4-5 God’s Word
While I read (and cried over) your blog, this verse kept popping into my head. James was so obviously born to show the enormous amount of love and compassion God has for every thing and person He creates. He blessed your family with such a wonderful child who is so loved by the Lord, and He has blessed you by allowing you to share your story with the world. James was truly created in the image of God.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, the good and the bad, with so many strangers. It certainly shows how precious life, and all of God’s gifts, are.
God bless.
I stumbled upon one website, with a lovely cake, and a link that led me here.
After starting around 9PM, and reading every entry, here I am, 1:13AM, with a new realization.
For months, I have struggled with where to go with my education. I’m a medical student, and God put me here for a reason. You always hear of those doors that ‘open’ when another seems to close. Recently, I’ve made some self-discoveries, and closed a door. Stumbling your website opened the right one, and I now know where I’m going in the world of medicine.
The story of your beautiful son touched me beyond explanation. Thank you for sharing the wonderful life he had.
Another cakewreck reader here. The story of faith that you share here is inspiring. The post about God understanding what it is like to lose a son, the one with the pictures of James’ heels, reminded me that no matter where we find ourselves, God has been there already. Thank you, James, for showing me of that tonight.
I am one of the many people directed here from Cake Wrecks.
I’d be lying if I said I read every post in the blog, but I spent a few hours tonight, reading the first months, and then skipping ahead to read the last.
In these few short hours I learned of little James, what impression am I left with? That little smile of his will certainly stay with me. Even through all his pains and troubles, he seemed always to be smiling – finding joy in what he had. I am also inspired by your faith, for though I too am Christian, I don’t know if my faith would have weathered these trials.
Bless you both. It is my sincerest hope that although all this sadness has befallen you, that you will find lasting peace and joy in life.
There is little to say here that others have not already said, but I will thank you for sharing this sad yet beautiful journey with the world.
I can’t think of how I can accurately put down in words everything that is going through my head and heart after reading about sweet little James. Just know that you two and he are an inspiration to me and have renewed my appreciation for everything that we are blessed to have on Earth, no matter how brief.
Another Cake Wrecks reader here….
I started at the beginning of your blog and read straight through to this month’s post. Though I knew you had lost your sweet boy, I was still unprepared for that heartbreaking August entry. What a gorgeous, smiling little boy James was.
I’m so sorry for your loss of James and Dora. Your family has been through such pain, it’s amazing to me that your faith remains so strong.
Thank you for this blog. It is good to be reminded how important it is to treasure every day we have with family and friends.
My heart aches for you. I have just read every post on this blog over the span of three hours. I am amazed by the strength of your little family. James and even little Dora although you never knew her were, I believe, more loved than most of the children in this world. I do not have any children. I do however have a wonderful puppy mill rescue named Jonathan. Two months ago Jonathan was stung on the foot by a bee and went into shock. He was shaking and vomiting uncontrollably, broke out in “alien hives” and stopped breathing. We managed to get him breathing again as we rushed him to the vet. They pumped him full of inject able Benadryl and he recovered slowly. I remember the feeling from that day. I remember sobbing in my Mom’s arms screaming “He’s only five months old!Please, God, don’t take my baby!” Over and over again. Like James, Jonathan came home skinny and weak, four weeks old and riding in the palm of my hand. And like him, he too learned to “love life” and be brave, even at times when it hurt him just for me to touch him. My little baby boy is now laying sound asleep in his favorite chair, seven months and full of fire. I know in my heart that your dear children, Dora and James, are asleep without a care in the world as well; one in each arm of Jesus Christ.
i, too, was lead here via cake wrecks. i started reading your blog at 8am and have just finished it. the pictures of little james are so adorable and wonderful that i wish that i could reach through my computer and touch his long, little fingers. but reading through your blog and understanding your relentless faith in God and in your son is just so overpowering and beautiful. your story is so heartbreaking and so personal, but i sit here and i cry for what your family has been through. but, the abundance of love that you had for james and the unborn Dora and the bond that you have for each other is so awesome. and i mean that it’s awesome in the God-like awesome. my prayers go out to you, your family, and the children who play in the Baby Garden.
Hello, Abby and John, I also came to this website from Cake Wrecks, and read the entire site in two sittings. Although I knew from the beginning how the story would end, I was completely unprepared for the unexpectedness of it. Post by post, I fell in love with your son, and wanted it never to end. Your story is both heartbreaking and inspirational, and I will carry James’s story with me for the rest of my life. You mentioned somewhere that you hope you will be able to touch as many people as James has, but without you, James would not have had that chance. I thank you for sharing your story, and will pray for your family’s happiness in the upcoming arrival of #3.
I just finished reading your story. I am overwhelmed and don’t know what to say, except that your faith and strength are inspiring, and your son was blessed to have you as his parents. I will never forget him.
In reading “sweet baby James” in it’s entirety, I am so amazed by both of your strength and perseverance. I don’t really know what to say, though I thought I should just say something… I am so sorry for your losses and am so inspired by your strength.
Your story touched my heart. James was a beautiful boy and had amazing parents.
I came here like many others courtesy of Cakewrecks. I stopped reading when I read of the loss of your precious Dora, it took me all day, hating the Lord, before I could read to the end of your story. I kept thinking of Graham Greene’s statement, quoted by Martin Sheen in The West Wing:
“You can’t conceive, nor can I, the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God”
You and James and Dora are forever in my thoughts and prayers. I know this is all part of the Lord’s plan for you, i wish there was some way to ease your pain.
A.
Ive just finished your beautiful story. While I am nowhere near ready to have kids, your son and you guys have been an inspiration to me. Little James was getting so strong, and he looked like he was finally ready for the next big step. Thats not the way things happened but now he has acomplished it all, wherever it is that he is. Baby James is the most adorable and sweetest little boy, and its no wonder he attracted girls whereever he went. Good luck to both of you, and wherever life takes you may it be happy.
I spent yesterday afternoon and today reading your story in its entirety. Your witness to God’s faithfulness is awesomely inspiring. I will be sending others here. Blessings on you and your extraordinary family – on earth and in heaven!
After spending the last couple of days reading through your story i just want to say how brave you are to share James’ life. I don’t know quite know what to say other than he was a gorgeous boy and you are both incredibly inspiring.
The pictures of him in the pumpkin are my favourites out of all the cute pictures on the site. His big eyes and smile i will always remember.
God bless you.
Hi from New Zealand, John & Abby. I found your blog through Cake Wrecks and have just finished reading from the start.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss, those 482 days must have been a huge roller coaster for you and everybody involved. Your son was beautiful and reading your blog I really felt the joy and happiness he bought to your lives.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Nick.
Thank you so much for sharing the life of your beautiful son James with me. His valiant spirit, and your faith in God have helped remind me of so many things I know to be true.
Thank you.
It’s taken me 2 days, but I have read your story from start to finish and wow. I am overwhelmed by your roller coaster. You will be in our prayers for a long time to come…James was completely adorable!
Seems funny that I stumbled upon your blog through cakewrecks. Your story is very beautiful and inspiring. As you were very lucky to have a wonderful boy like James in your lives, James was just as lucky to have you.
I have read James’ story from beginning to end… and just ran into it by chance, or seemingly by chance, since it is the story and testimony that I needed to hear. Thank you for being vulnerable and honest. God is so good and mysterious. Won’t it be wonderful to someday see James in Heaven and know… know… what God’s plan was for? What a beautiful life, and man… those eyelashes! James is beautiful.
I came to your blog through Cake Wrecks, like so many others.
I read it all in three day’s and even though I knew what would happen, I cried for your sweet James and for Dora.
I am a mother and my oldest is about the age James was when he passed. Your grief is to big to imagine. To big for my heart.
You are hero’s to me. Hero’s because you still love, still trust, still believe.
I can see James and Dora in heaven. All the other angels must love him for his smile and his long eyelashes and her for her innocence.
My hope is that the new baby will be born in the right time, healthy and happy. He will have wonderfull parents. Dedicated and loving.
I’ll pray for you.
God bless you both for sharing your journey, your pain, your faith, with the world. I can only hope and pray that I would have the strength that you both have shown if I were to ever have a special needs child, or have to experience my child’s going to be with the Lord.
Thank you for your story.
Continue to walk in God’s way.
Amy
Hello there… I am studying to become a pediatrician, and in between reading books I take a breather by reading out blogs mostly about cooking. One blog lead to another until I came across your son’s birthday cakes in one of them (Cake Wrecks)… which lead me to your story. As a doctor, your baby’s precious journey and your endless strength in making it all work out for him despite the very trying challenges touched me so deeply. I understand how difficult it must have been for a mom, and a dad, to see their little one go through so much so young… but your huge love for your sweet baby shone through every step of the fight. You were gifted to see joy beyond the pain… I wish a lot more people would learn of your story… it is never ending in hope, and love, and faith. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers.
Thank you for blogging about your journey so James could touch so many people. My son recently turned 1, so reading about James’ milestones and victories have touched my heart deeply. I grieve for your loss. I have to say, though, that I rejoice for the strength and goodness that every member of your family has shown- and I’m so happy that James is (still, forever) happy. (But still am I a puddle of tears!) I hope this day finds you joyful.
I just wanted to say that I am amazed at your strength and that I am glad that adorable little James is in a better place. I can tell he was loved by many. Your story touched me and you will all be in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing with us.
I also found your blog through Cake Wrecks, and I admit, I haven’t been reading every post, I get anxious when I know the outcome of something and so I have to skip around and find certain parts. I wanted to thank you though, for opening my eyes. I’m not oblivious to special needs kids, I’ve even worked with some before, helping them ride horses, but, if I’m being honest, I’ve always been terrified of having one of my own. It’s a long ways off, but I’ve always felt that I couldn’t handle it, that I wouldn’t be strong enough to recognize what a blessing any child is. I feel like a horrible person, because I feel like it is so judgmental, which is something I strive against as much as possible. So I wanted to thank you for helping me realize that those fears are not unfounded, nor are they wrong. Because I know that every parent wants the world for their child and that it’s normal to want happiness and perfection. But more than that, you’ve helped me see that a parent’s love can and will triumph. I see the pictures of you both with James and I see no difference in the unending love in your eyes than that found in any other wonderful parent. I am so sad for everything that you have gone through. I won’t make any assumptions for how you must feel, because I honestly have no idea. But know that you’ve reached so many people and opened so many eyes, hearts, and souls.
Abby and John, I found your blog on Cake Wrecks and started reading from day one. It took me three sittings to get through.
I am only 22 but I have seen my fair share of babies born with medical problems through friends of the family. I have followed their journeys in “real time” but have never had a chance to sit down and read their heart.
I wanted to thank you for being so open about your whole journey. When I started reading I could see Jesus in you. Even before you mentioned His name or the bible. Your faith has floored me. John, the letter you wrote to future John cut me to the core. I will read, and reread that letter.
On January 29, 2009 you wrote:
“Sometimes we wonder if our lives will touch as many people as James’s did.”
Please know that it has. You have touched my life and have challenged me. James’ face is burned in my mind. I can’t wait to see that sweet boy dancing for Jesus someday soon! I do not know how people can deal with tragedy without having the hope of heaven. James and Dora are more alive than we can even comprehend right now.
I read most of the blog posts while at work. It’s hard to suppress tears. I had to stop a few times. The one picture that impacted me the most was the picture of John and your friends son at home depot. I immediately had to work on something else as my eyes blurred with tears. It was such a power image of love and the family of God. That little boy needed a father figure and you needed a son-figure to love on. You were both there for each other and I know you will hold on to that relationship for many years to come. That little boy is lucky to have you John.
Your beautiful family oozes Jesus out of every seam. Thank you for allowing me, a complete stranger, and at the same time, a sister, to share in your journey. I will continue to follow your new blog and I’m looking forward to seeing what God has in store for you.
Love, Sarah
I too found your blog from CakeWrecks… I have been reading about your journey for the last 2 days. As a mom of 3 boys I find all that you have had to endure unimaginable. Both of you are incredible people and even better parents. Your baby James was so cute. His smile was one of a kind and I can’t stop admiring those long beautiful eyelashes. I’m so happy for you on the upcoming arrival of number 3 and I’ll be keeping you all in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing your story. SweetbabyJames you truly are an angel.
Your son was such a precious gift. I found your site by browsing around, and loved all of the pictures of him. It is obvious he is still very much loved. I am the mother of a special needs child myself. They are very extraordinary & I believe teach us more than we can ever expect. This is a song that reminds me of my son & you may enjoy it as well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVcqJFsbwyc I wish you all the upmost best & you will be in my prayers.
Hi there! I am here all the way from South Africa, via cakewrecks.com!
James’s story has touched my heart! Whilst I have never had a special needs child myself, I am a Physiotherapist and have worked with these special children and their special parents!
My heart goes out to you as you remember your beautiful, special boy! May your lives be full and blessed from here on, made all the more richer from the 482 days that you were priviledged enough to have with your angel son! May God bless you now and always!
“Know that James looks down from Heaven above,
and with each ray of sunshine, he sends you his love”
Love and hugs
Kirsty
Thank you for sharing your story, I just read it all today. Your steady faith and endurance has been such an encouragement to me. It is such a reminder that although we don’t always understand it, God is sovereign over every situation and that He is our strength in all times. James was a beautiful baby and your stories have helped me in so many ways. Thank you.
Found your blog from a link to Cake Wrecks. When I saw that you “didn’t need another cake”, it spurred me to read your blog.
I have 1000 words running through my head, I don’t know where to start.
What finally made me comment here (with tears rolling down my face) was the post from the proud Grandma in June 07 who fed James and was blessed to “be a member of the Grandma’s Club” when he spit up all over her.
I’ll never forget when my youngest daughter did that to my Father-in-law at a wedding we went to. His clothes were ruined. We had to leave the party!
That’s the thing about grandparents. Babies can do that to them, and they’re still not afraid to hold them again.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your story, your family, your James will be hard for me to forget.
Like the old saying goes, “It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.”
Peace be with you……
What a beautiful smile your son had! God bless you and all your family, here and in Heaven.
Abby and John,
Thank you for sharing James’ wonderful life story with all of us! He might have had a lot of problems in his short life, but it’s obvious that being loved by a great family was not one of them. How fortunate he must have felt to know how loved and appreciated he was, just as I’m sure you both feel fortunate for being able to love him for as long as you did.
My condolences on the sad parts of this story, but while there are many sad parts, the bottom line is that he was a very loved little boy, and I’m sure he always knew that.
Thank you again for sharing your heartwarming story of James’ life with all of us.
Please receive my deepest condolences. I don’t know how I first started to read your blog, but I finished it the same day. How can one stay apart from sweet James and his lovely eyelashes?….
Know that someone from far away as Mexico is thinking of your son right now and praying God he is happy, strong and healthy with his little sister.
God could not have chosen better parents for James or Dora, you both, together with your parents
have inspired me and helped me in my own troubles
Thanks for posting the biblical references since
they have helped me too.
I wish you all the best, hopefully you will have
resignation some day and thanks for sharing your story.
Dear Abby and John,
I came across your site when I saw the post on Cake Wrecks this year on James’ birthday. I have since read his story and cannot express how much he has touched me. I have a little boy who is 7months old, and twice since I have been reading this blog, when I have gone into his room in the wee hours, I have seen James’ face and not Justin’s. I know that James’ wonderful spirit lives on and this to me was a sign of that. By sharing his story you are sharing his spirit and strength with others. I thank you for that.
James is lucky to have had such wonderful caring parents as yourselves.
Please accept my condolences on your loss. I wish you all the best, and may God bless you.
Sincerely,
Sarah
Thank God. Thank you.
I came across your site today as a link for “cakewrecks.com;” I don’t recall HOW I got there…but, obviously, God DOES work in mysterious ways!!!! I cannot adequately express how much your words and pictures have touched me.
Praise to God for blessing you both with this wonderful, precious, unforgettable child and praise to God for blessing you both with the ability express yourselves for incredibly eloquently…through the sunshine AND through the darkness.
I weep for your loss(es), but…I know that God still has you all in His hands and in His care.
Thank you for using your God-given ability to express your real, intense, day-to-day, unwavering faith in Him. May I never forget what I’ve read this day.
May God continue to shower you all with His incomparable love.
I’m another from the ranks of finding you through Cake Wrecks and delving into your blog like it was a pulitzer novel.
What a beautiful boy! How strong your whole family, and he are. Such perseverance and an amazing faith. I could only hope to one day be as strong as your son.
Thank you for sharing his life and struggles with the world. I will keep your family in my prayers and think of you often.
One of the many to find out about James and your story through Cake Wrecks. I have to say that after spending the last six hours reading through every post this was one of the most important things I have done. Each and every day is something special and I should take the time to charish every second I have with my family, friends and loved ones. Thank you for sharing your lives, James’ life, the highs and the lows with us all.
Joe W.
I just found your Site via Cakewrecks. James was an incredible child. We all can learn so much from his courage and that smile, oh that smile. My prayers are with you. I cannot imagine your pain, I hope that as the time passes your hearts are able to be filled of the void of James passing with memories of him and the wonderful joy He places to the ones who loved him so.
Peace to you both-
Tawny
Dear Abby and John,
I like many others came across your site tonight, I saw the birthday pictures up on the cakewrecks website.
My husband is at work and I stumbled upon your page and literally read it from beginning to end. At the time I was reading I was listening to one of my favorite Christian Bands “The Glorious Unseen” the song is Close to Your Heart. I will forever think of James when I hear this song. I cried all night when I read he had moved to heaven. My heart is heavy for you both, I know how long the road was for you, yet so short. Atleast we know he is “looking down from Heaven,” with those beautiful brown eyelashes. So blessed you were to have him for the time you did. Creating wonderful memories. The pictures and the words you wrote are so special. I am amazed how you never lost faith in God and what he had made James’ purpose for here on earth. God Bless you both, and thanks again for this blog. It is so incredibly touching. Just goes to show, when we think life is hard…it’s not always as it seems.
Dear Abby & John
Im from Puerto Rico (pardon my english, ill do my best)
I just discovered this blog, and read it chronologicaly. Just learn that ur sweet baby have moved to the garden in heaven. Im a so sad and shocked. Im so sorry for your loss. He will always be in my heart. He showed me endurance and how to smile tru adversity. He also, show me the way to God. Sweet baby James has changed my life forever.
Im just had my 1st son, and I wanted to tell you that i’ll be praying to the Lord everyday, to be the kind of parents you were for little James. I know he is looking down at you from heaven and feeling very proud because you were his parents.
God bless you and your family, and all of us that miss little James so deeply.
God bless you.
I just stumbled upon your story through the cakewrecks website. What an adorable little boy. I absolutely love the picture of James smiling after his haircut. You have done a wonderful job journaling everything. It was inspiring to read your story and see your love thrive through it all.
Sincerely,
Rebecca
I also came here from cake wrecks. I read through this blog tonight and cannot even begin to express my sympathy. You both have done such a wonderful job of documenting your son’s life. I will certainly keep your family in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your story.
I too found your story through Cakewrecks. What a sweet, beautiful little boy. I have no doubt that he is looking down from heaven and smiling at the wonderful parents that he was chosen to have.
Thank you so much for allowing me to get to know James. The pictures were the best. I found myself crying in one post to laughing out loud at his smile the next. I have twins with autism and every day I have such a hard time dealing with it. I feel so fortunate just having them here knowing I am so privileged. I hope you are continuing your relationship with God and able to live on knowing James is with him. Take care. Julie
I am also hear because of God’s providence in allowing me to find a link from Cake Wrecks. From a few silly cakes to a life changing encounter with The Almighty — your children have touched my heart as I have read their story over the past few days. James’ life verse truly speaks volumes about his ministry hear on earth. I look forward to the day when all pain and suffering will end. You are in my heart and prayers Abby.
Beth
Abby & John,
My eyes are filled with sadness as I read the story of ur lit James fr the time of his birth to his passing on. Although we are all very sad, but we know that he is now safe in Jesus’s arms with his lit sister. When you return to heaven someday, you would behold God’s wonderful promise of reuniting with you 2 lit angels once more.
We know that God’s promises are real, and He would take away all our earthy pain and sorrow and there would only be joy.
I am sure James had brought you much joy. He was such a chubby and adorable child. His smile has melted so many hearts.
God had a purpose for bringing James into your lives and taking him back to Heaven. God has used James to allow His goodness to be manifest on earth. For we know that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. Isaiah 55:8
But yet we rejoice for God is the Almightly who created Heaven and Earth and all things on this earth.
Praying that God would heal ur heart and take away ur grief bit by bit. Be praying for you.
Take care!
I found this blog through cakewrecks.com…
It’s been almost a year now since James left you in body, but I hope that he’s still following you in spirit. Your positive attitude despite all the hardships is so admirable.
You are good people, and it appears you were the best parents any little kid could have asked for. James had more happiness in his little life than a lot of people do in their entire lifetimes.
You’re so inspiring
chin up eh?
All the best to you!
i also found this blog through cakewrecks.com and although i knew the end befor i started it was amazing to read, it shows your amazing faith and passion, although it would have never been easy for you you kept going and didnt stray in your faith , you are an inspiration as is James.
although i knew the end when i read it i still shead a tear. James was and is an amazing boy, thankyou for doing this blog and sharing your story with us.
as of next year i will be studying Medicine at uni (taking a gap year at the moment) eventually going into reashearch so i must say i found the medical side of his story just as intresting. this story reminds me so much of why i want to go into that field.
I pray that your lives are continued to be filled with many fond memories of your children and that you are at peace with the knoweldge that you will one day see them again.
God bless
you are amazing people
Love Sharnelle
I am a avid reader of cake wrecks and as a result I stumbled upon your page. I remembered immediately that i followed this story, I remember looking at your blogs early on and feeling each joy and sorrow as though I knew your lil man. I dont remember just how I stopped following it, but boy did I catch up tonight. I have sat here for hours now watching your videos and reading your posts. I have smiled at his sweet smile…and cried when I am sure you must have too. Thank you for the reality check about just what is important in life and reminding me just how lucky I really am to have my lil girl, Arabella. We faced and beat a 10 day bout of MRSA and looking at some of the photos here remind me of the NICU so much. But, alas, I needed to remember why I must never forget that each trial is just a lesson that has yet to be learned. Rest assured I am on my way to bed and I will be stopping in to kiss her sweet baby cheeks. Tonight I will send my thoughts to you and yours….here is to you James.
With love and heartfelt thanks for allowing us all into your journey and stepping into our hearts-
Ashley
I just found this story of James. I know I am a little late, however, this story touched me very deeply.
My friend’s 2nd son was born with a very rare chromosome disorder. He struggled with some of the same issues as James. He was tube fed. He could not hear. He could not walk, stand, or even sit up. I could continue with a very long list, but I wont. Just know he was severely disabled. His name was Jared.
Jared touched my life in ways that I could never describe, and reading the story of James is a reminder that other people are touched by amazing children like these in similar ways. My hearts hurts that you had such a short time with him – 10 years wasn’t even enough with Jared – but certainly, you were blessed to have him.
Thank you for sharing James’ story, and reminding us all that blessings are everywhere.
I just found and read James’ story in one sitting. He was such a beautiful little boy. I can not imagine your sorrow, but the images of him in the hospital brought back my niece Victoria Nicole who we lost after just a month and a half, most of which was spent in a NICU like the one that James was in. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for reminding me that no matter how brief their time on earth is, all babes are blessings.
I also just read James’ story in one sitting. I spent two months in hospital before my little girl was born and now work in the Chaplaincy Office there. Your story reminds me why we do what we do: life with God is better than life without him. I look forward to meeting James and Dora in heaven, and the son of my best friend who miscarried, and all those other children who were too perfect for this earth.
I came to your site through Cake Wrecks, and I thank you for sharing James with us. He is so beautiful, with those big eyes and smile, and he was so very lucky to have you as his parents. Words are failing me right now…God Bless you and your angel babies.
I found your blog through Cake Wrecks as well and I must say, In the four hours I’ve spent reading and learning about James and your family I fell in love, worried, and in an instant my heart broke. James was beautiful and perfect and taught me that I must never take my children for granted no matter how small the accomplishment it is Huge. I look forward to the day I can meet this boy who taught me such a lesson in life and love and laughter. Thank you James. And thank you all for sharing him so selflessly that I might learn this.
Dearest Jame,
I stumbled across this website when a friend posted a link to it. I have to admit, I was completely swept into your hectic, complicated, painful, joyful world. I enjoyed looking at all your pictures and admiring your good looks. Those eyes! That smile! Those lashes! Reading this entry broke my heart. I had to run to a different room to allow myself to sob. You are missed… Will be missed…. But I do believe you are in a better place now. A place where you are free from disability. Darling boy, rest in peace.
Dear Abby and John,
It feels redundant to say thank you for sharing your beautiful son’s story with us. Your amazing strength, grace and courage is inspiring. You were so lucky to have James for those 482 days – and he was so, so lucky to have you.
abby and john,
thank you for sharing your wonderful story. james was a truly special little boy and look how many lives he touched! i only started reading his blog today (i’m a fan of cakewrecks and hadn’t been by in a while…). needless to say, i got very emotional and want his parents and grandparents to know that their love touched so many of us. rest peacefully, sweet baby james…
<3,
“auntie” laura
I just want to thank you for sharing James story. I have sat here more wrapped up in anything than I have in a long time.
I have never seen a more gorgeous boy and was touched by your blog. Your love for him was apparent in every word.
It saddens me but I know that he is without boundaries now and I warm when I think of his bright eyes and smile.
I hope one day I can have a child as special and beautiful as James. I will never forget this story and how much children fill our lives with love, brightness and purpose, even if it is for a short time.
I have been reading your blog only recently, so I know I’m late in posting. My name is Charlotte, and I’m 14 and from New Zealand.
Your story has been a great encouragement. I’ll keep on praying for you, regardless of how late I am. Thank you.
I don’t know what to say.
Abby and John,
Though I’ve never met you or did not have the pleasure of meeting Sweet Baby James, I find myself unbearably saddened by the news of your son’s passing. I came across your blog through Jen’s website and was touched by her posting of James’ first birthday cake.
I wanted to reach out to you because I know that your pain must be daily and without relent. James lived a wonderful life while he was here on earth, and it is hard for me not be angry with God for taking away your beautiful boy so quickly. Still, I know that he is living with our Savior, smiling down upon you and thanking you for all of the love you gave him when he was alive. I commend you for writing this blog and giving us all a reason to believe that there can be life after such a tragedy. Thank you for sharing James and your family with us.
I’ve stumbled across this site today and have been reading your blogs for the past few hours. I can only say how amazed I am at your religion, spirit, strength, and love for your child. I am amazed by his story, and I indulge in every image of him. You can tell that James was a very special little guy, and he was meant for more than life here on Earth. The Lord needed him and took him into heaven.
I pray for you and your family during your grieving. I can only assume you miss him every single day, but hope you can remain positive in knowing that his pain and suffering is over, and he is whole and blessed as an angel of heaven.
My prayers go out to you and your family.
I will pass along the blog so that others may know of little James and his story. Thank you for sharing.
Well, at least he died sooner than later. Look at the bright side: you would have had to constantly care for him even when you were old. This way it’s better, and now you have much more time for yourself!
Abby and John
I also came acrosed this blog from Jen’s site. You’re story, though sad, has been very inspirational to me. The way that you continue to have faith, even when all of this was happening has been a great motivation to me. Even though i never knew James. I feel like i loved him. I will continue to pray for you.
Aubrey
John & Abby – I want to thank you both for the beautiful story you shared with all of us of your sweet baby boy (& girl). I believe I 1st learned of your blog on Cake Wrecks sometime in late ’08. Your story has truly touched me. I have twin boys (now 18 months) and there have been several days that I have gotten home from work and hugged them both extra tightly.
Your words have also given me pause several times. Pause because I know I haven’t thanked God enough for my blessings. We never do know what God has in store for us. We need to live each day to the fullest, grateful for all He has given to us. James lived each of his 482 days the best way he could. He never would have reached all the milestones he was able to achieve w/o the help of such loving parents. You both gave him all that you could.
I know that there must be feelings of guilt any time a child passes on. What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? I think you both did as much as you could & that 8/20/08 was just the day that God wanted James back by His side.
I look forward to moving on to your other blog & continuing to read your story.
Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your lives, joys and sorrows with us all – I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes, and can’t imagine how you both must have felt.
James was a miracle baby, and thanks to you he will live on in so many hearts that never got to meet him in life.
I was just directed to this blog by cakewrecks. I read the entire story over the last two days, I couldn’t stop. I am amazed at you & your sweet little boy. I’m sad, so very sad, about losing him and your tiny girl. Your faith is inspiring as is your honesty with the hard times. Thank you so much for sharing this all! James’ smile made me want to give him a million cuddles. On a side note, I am an insulin pump wearer and could fully relate to a lot of that part. Your baby pump-belt was great! Much love & prayers for you all