tiny one
Born 6/18/08 at 15 weeks gestation
The ultrasound appointment took an unexpected turn.
“I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.”
Lost, lost.
Why?
Only last week I heard your strong heart beat.
Even now I thought I felt you move.
The doctors, the elevators, the green gown.
“Sign these forms. I’m so sorry.”
The blood.
You were our precious gift.
Our miracle child, we thought you would be
the easy one.
Your advent brought us laughter and hope
Separating us from the difficult past
and securing the future.
A measure of normalcy.
A healthy child, an Aaron for our feeble Moses.
You arrived in the night
in a rush I barely felt.
Is that the baby?
The tiny fruit of my too-soon labor.
Gone, gone.
The ultrasound shows a black cave now.
I thought I would wrap you against the December air and gaze into your eyes,
smelling your sweet baby skin,
as they wheeled me to the waiting car,
the regal rite of the new mother.
Instead I walk into the heat with nothing but a box
holding your tiny hat and the envelope they wrapped you in.
Our hearts ache for you.
We lost you and our hope and laughter all at once,
irreplaceable.
Will you grow up, up there with Jesus?
Or when we see you someday, will you still be
our tiny one?
12 Responses to “tiny one”
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Weeping with you.
Abby, You are so brave to share your broken heart. I lost three- I have had the same questions about our reunion, but never have been able to express them so well. I am praying for you…
God’s plans for the Gjertsen family – such mighty plans. I stand in awe at how He is building strength through trials, pouring out mercy through difficulties, showering love in the midst of pain & sorrow. Through years of difficult circumstances that continue to increase in difficulty – He shines through you. What a gift it is to be able to reflect Christ in your daily walk.
I cry with you and share your questions. I care for your wounded hearts and long for their healing and preservation. I will uphold you in prayer and ask that the Lord restore joy, carry your burdens and renew all hope.
You are loved beyond measure.
Our hearts are heavy with the knowledge of your profound loss. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and that we hope that you can overcome this heartache with the same grace and strength that you confronted James’ health issues with. We are always here for you if you need support that you do not find elsewhere.
Your Winnie Palmer Family
We’re crying, too. If only by sharing in your grief we could lessen it…
- Jen & John
Oh God…
Abby, your words are engraved on my mind and the grief is too much for me. I think I could more easily bear this blow for myself than for you. Oh, to turn back time and rewrite a page or two of your story.
I should offer godly words of encouragement, but all I can do today is weep with you.
May our desperate cries, and the Spirit’s groans on our behalf, be heard and felt by our Sovereign Father.
Unspeakable sorrow. I have no words… just tears. My heart is breaking for you. Praying for restoration and hope. With love, Susan & Jon
Beautiful, heartbreaking, and true. Much love to the three of you.
I have wept for you often these last few weeks. Between Evan and Daniel we had another child who died during an ectopic pregnancy (we found out later that I could have died with him/her). The grief is great and may last a long time, but He holds us even closer and tighter during our tears.
Abby, this is beautiful. Would you consider granting us permission to use it during our Perinatal Remembrance Ceremony in November? You have expressed what so many of our parents feel and for which they have no words.
You and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers, and I was honored to be with you a bit during your baby’s short time with us. Blessings to all of you.
MISSing your angels w/ you today. http://www.missfoundation.org
[...] and this year it was mostly the same. This time, though, Abby was invited to read her poem “Tiny One.” And this time it was warm enough to release butterflies at the conclusion of the ceremony. [...]