thankful

This past Sunday, James William was officially dedicated to God alongside Bryce Daniel, his full-term “twin” born a few hours later on the same day. It was James’s first Sunday in church, and he was pretty much all-smiles. He couldn’t have been any better behaved if he knew the lifeline of support and care and meals and prayer that surrounded him.

A dedication ceremony, for those who are unfamiliar, is a formal recognition of a baby’s entrance into a church family. First there are a few questions posed to the parents, along the lines of recognizing our responsibility to nurture and teach and introduce the baby to God. We say “we do,” kind of like a wedding or something. Next the congregation is questioned in terms of their responsibilities in a covenant community to pray for us and such, and they answer “we will, with God’s help.” Again, it’s a little like a wedding ceremony where the congregation both serves as witnesses and pledges to help support the vows that are made by the parents.

So right out of the chute, the question is posed to us:

Do you here this day recognize this child as the gift of God, and give heartfelt thanks for God’s blessing?

I don’t think that’s supposed to be a hard question. But I don’t see it as rhetorical. In fact, the whole issue of whether or not James is a blessing or gift or answer to prayer is quite familiar. I can’t remember if I’ve blogged about this before, but I’ve been resistant to that line of thinking for the last several months. It’s sort of awkward even to admit, in a blog where we hope to display the loving kindness of God, that I wrestle over something like this, but I’ve not regarded this appointment with James and all his needs as an unqualified blessing. To date, I think Abby has written twice as many blog entries as I have. To a large degree, that’s been my depression or my confusion at how to relate this experience honestly and also glorify God.

“We do,” all four of us answered in unison, because that’s the way that the script goes, but I wondered the instant I made the vow that I might be breaking it with my doubt. I hoped, instead, that in the act of making the vow that God would change the course of my thinking to help me see the gift and give thanks for the blessing.

It’s been an appropriate week, of course, to think about thanksgiving. Buried somewhere under turkey and sweet potatoes and football and hundreds of miles of interstate highway is what I consider to be the most undefiled of all Christian holidays, a day set aside to recognize that God is good and to thank him for it.

I’m first of all thankful for how God is a rescuing God, and rescues even those who wander far from him. I’ve been meditating on Psalm 107, where I find personal comfort from this stanza:

Some were fools through their sinful ways,
and because of their iniquities suffered affliction;
they loathed any kind of food,
and they drew near to the gates of death.
Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them,
and delivered them from their destruction.
Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,
for his wondrous works to the children of man!
And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving,
and tell of his deeds in songs of joy!

So much more I could say here. I am a fool in so many ways and nothing else I could show gratitude for can compare to the gratitude to the gratitude of a sinner in the hands of a merciful God.

But on the drive up to Tallahassee, Abby and I came up with several other things we can be thankful for:

We’re thankful that wherever James goes, he is surrounded by love and caregivers. In many ways at this age, his small size works to his advantage, and I recognize it may not always be so.

We’re thankful that, due to the complexity of his feedings and medications, we know all of our parents — JD & Lamons, Bill & Betsy, and Peg — quite a bit better than we did before. We depend on them more than ever before, and are so grateful for the relationship we have with each of them.

We’re thankful also that this complicated situation with James has put us in contact with more friends than we’ve ever had in our lives. Many new friends from many different places, as well as friends from high school and college we’d lost contact with.

We’re thankful that James seems to be doing much better lately with his blood sugars, and he’s embracing oatmeal, the latest addition to his diet, with broad smiles. Most of the time.

Do you here this day recognize your need, and beseech God for the divine grace necessary to accomplish the vow you have just made?

I’m thankful for this last question of our dedication ceremony. My answer to the first question would stand on feeble legs without it.

God, give me eyes to see more of your kindness in the life of James.

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